Give Yourself the Gift of Saying “No”
"The ability to say no to yourself is a gift. If you can resist your urges, change your habits, and say yes to only what you deem truly meaningful, you'll be practicing healthy self-boundaries. It's your responsibility to care for yourself without excuses." – Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
Can you think of saying “no” to yourself as a GIFT? It is – and it’s one of the best gifts you can give yourself. It’s also a responsibility. I see setting self-boundaries as part of my responsibility to care for myself, the same way I naturally see my responsibility to provide care for my loved ones.
Setting healthy boundaries is one of our most important and challenging topics at Courage to Caregivers. It comes up in our discussions again and again, even when it isn’t the topic of the week. That’s because we all need healthy boundaries to balance our needs and the needs of others.
Establishing healthy boundaries allows us to share the best of ourselves. When we know how to say “no,” we are able to communicate our own needs and feelings to others. Knowing when to say “no” also helps me say “yes” to things that provide more meaning and purpose – focusing on my core values to guide the way.
Still, it can be difficult to maintain healthy boundaries as a practice, and sometimes, saying “no” can be hard. So here are three tools from Nedra Glover Tawwab’s 8 Steps to Setting Healthy Boundaries:
DEFINE BOUNDARY. What do you NOT want to hear, see, or do?
SAY NO. Don’t apologize or give long explanations; you will dilute the power of “no.” Don’t lie. Lying will most likely lead to guilt or anxiety.
LET GO OF GUILT. Your “no” may empower the other person to take responsibility or make better choices instead of enabling them to keep doing what they’re doing.
Remember, you don’t have to justify why you’re saying “no.” And you may need to set consequences if the other person is unwilling to respect your boundary. But you must be willing to follow through. If you don’t, the boundary is useless. Strive to respect and honor other people’s boundaries, too.
Healthy boundaries are an essential part of any healthy, growth-oriented relationship. Give YOURSELF the gift of saying “no.”