Self-Compassion and the Battle Against Isolation

Do you ever think you’re just going it alone or going through the motions? That’s what can happen if you try to do self-care without first building a foundation of self-compassion, which is our final topic this month.
 
As this article points out, self-compassion is regarding yourself compassionately, while self-care is treating yourself compassionately. It may be hard to distinguish between the two concepts, but the first is all about how you think, and the latter is what you do. At Courage to Caregivers, we focus on both.
 
If compassion is having concern for the misfortunes of others, then self-compassion is extending sympathy and tolerance to yourself in times of perceived failure or suffering. Self-compassion expert Kristen Neff has this to say about it: “Self-compassion is the same experience as compassion for others. It comes from Latin, ‘to suffer with.’ So, there is an inherent connectedness. It’s different from self-pity, where you think, ‘My experience is worse or abnormal.’ Self-compassion recognizes, ‘This is the human experience.’” She defines three components of self-compassion: self-kindness vs. self-judgment; common humanity vs. isolation; and mindfulness vs. over-identification.
 
I can relate to the part about isolation. When I was in my most difficult caregiving days, I felt like I was drowning in grief/sorrow, confusion, frustration, anger, and exhaustion. I kept telling myself that there surely was more I could do to support my brother. Although I had a support team, I never felt as alone with my feelings as I did then. But once I was able to step outside of myself and recognize that others were experiencing the same feelings, I was able to replace self-pity with self-compassion, and I freed myself from suffering alone.
 
And this is so relevant to what we all may be experiencing in these days of sheltering in place. I now know that I am most definitely not alone with my feelings of grief, disappointment, and exhaustion. Finding others who feel the same way – connecting in our feelings – has been critical to staying the course.
 
I can do hard things. We’re all doing hard things, separately. Yet, together we can do hard things more easily. And we’re finding out that we don’t have to be together physically to be TOGETHER.
 
We SHARE this journey of caring for someone we love living with a brain difference. Self-compassion helps you be kind to yourself, be mindful, and understand that you’re NEVER alone.