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“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” — Confucius

When was the last time you started something, then someone needed something from you, and you didn’t get to finish that first “something”? This happens to me ALL the time. Honestly, part of it is that my home office doesn’t have a door. The other part is that I’m very distractible. My brain goes a million miles a minute, and I’m juggling a lot of balls.

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” ~ Brené Brown

If there’s anything I know about guilt and shame, it’s that they thrive in the darkness. Digging deep into those dark recesses is hard to do. But when you’re ready, you can bring these thoughts out into the sunshine where shame can’t live.

“Polarized thinking traps us in trade-offs, while both/and thinking helps us find more creative and sustainable ways forward.” ~ Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis, Both/And Thinking

Unpaid family caregiving rarely fits into simple either/or categories. But sometimes we can become stuck in polarized thinking — believing we must choose between caring for others or caring for ourselves, being hopeful or being realistic, feeling grateful or feeling overwhelmed — which can increase stress, guilt, and emotional exhaustion.

“Curiosity creates possibilities and possibilities create hope.” ~ Unknown

You know me to often write from my own lived experience in bringing a weekly topic to life, and that’s the case this week for the topic of staying curious. This is hard to share, but our 91-year-old mom has a new diagnosis of dementia. Looking back, it came on slowly, as these things often do, yet a recent infection aggravated it significantly. Adding this to my PhD in lived experience, I have a newfound appreciation for dementia caregivers.

"Common humanity focuses beyond our relationship with ourselves to our relationships with others and the world. It's about realizing how much we share as fellow humans. If we broaden our compassion for others, we can extend that compassion to include ourselves." - Jennifer Gerlach, LCSW 

What do you believe you have in common with the person sitting closest to you? What about the people down the street? The people in the next city/town over? What about those on the other side of the globe? Today, it can feel so hard to find connection when it feels there is so much that divides us, from varying beliefs to differing values to conflicting understandings of the world.

Recognizing common humanity is not about smoothing over or ignoring these differences, but remembering that we all know what it feels like to be messy and unsure, to experience pain and loss. According to Dr. Kristin Neff, common humanity is a necessary part of self-compassion. We may not experience hardship the same way, but we all struggle. As Dr. Neff says, "Unlike self-pity, which says poor me, self-compassion says poor us." By recognizing the ways we can connect through our common humanity, we can build stronger and more meaningful relationships and be kinder to ourselves and others.

3 Tools to Help Appreciate Our Common Humanity

1. Remember that we are not alone. It can sometimes feel easier to see what divides us than what brings us together. However, common humanity is not the absence of difference. Common humanity simply means recognizing that, even with our differences, we are still human and have the capacity to connect with one another.

2. Practice self-compassion. As we emphasize here at Courage to Caregivers, we cannot be truly kind to others if we are not also taking care of ourselves. Remind yourself that you are doing the best that you can, and talk to yourself as you would a beloved friend.

3. Embrace connections. Focus on what connects us to other people rather than only what makes us different. By building connections based on our common humanity, we can support both ourselves and those around us.

Check out the complete April 2026 Newsletter focused on Common Humanity here!

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” ~ Helen Keller

Did you know loneliness is considered a major public health concern? Former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy has described an “epidemic of loneliness,” noting that even in a world where we are more digitally connected than ever, many of us still lack meaningful connection. Research suggests that the health risks of chronic loneliness can be comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes per day, highlighting the essential role that connection plays in our emotional and physical well-being. For unpaid family caregivers, strengthening connection is a protective factor that supports resilience and helps prevent burnout.

“Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.” — Megan Devine

There are ALL kinds of grief and loss that caregivers face on a daily basis. I’m choosing to focus on the one that I battle with every day—ambiguous loss. Ambiguous loss is a form of grief that occurs when there is no clear closure or resolution, such as when a loved one is physically present but psychologically changed, or psychologically present but physically absent. It’s that feeling that the future you envisioned for yourself and your loved one, no matter the relationship, is different and may never unfold as planned.

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer

Caregiving is deeply human work. Across cultures, generations, and life experiences, people step into roles of supporting loved ones through illness, disability, mental health challenges, aging, and times of uncertainty. While every caregiving journey is unique, one truth connects us all: We were never meant to do this alone.

When life seems to be breaking apart around us, being told to "be mindful" can feel insensitive at best and downright insulting at worst. Why should we center on ourselves when there is so much we have to do as caregivers? But mindfulness, can be instrumental in encouraging self-compassion, which in turn can inspire greater empathy.

Mindfulness is the "moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens" (Source). According to a recent study, mindfulness and self-compassion are positively linked with empathy. By bringing self-compassion into our lives, we can more readily extend empathy toward other people.

How will you embrace mindfulness and self-compassion in your daily life?

3 TOOLS FOR SELF-COMPASSIONATE MINDFULNESS

1. Self-compassion as a practice of good will - It's important to remember that self-compassion is about accepting our present moment and circumstances so we can open ourselves up to growth. While we may not be able to make the pain go away in the moment, we can prepare ourselves to take action.

2. It's okay for self-compassion to feel hard - It's normal to struggle to practice self-compassion and find yourself remembering old pains. When that happens, focus on your breath and bodily sensations. It's okay to learn self-compassion at your own pace. By doing so, you are already practicing self-compassion!

3. Try the self-compassion break - The self-compassion break is a mindfulness practice that can help in moments of stress. First, acknowledge that this a stressful moment. Next, remember that you are not alone in struggling. Finally, recognize a kind phrase toward yourself such as "may I be strong" or "may I be patient."

(Adapted from "Self-Compassion Practices" by the Self-Compassion Institute)

Check out the complete March 2026 Newsletter focused on Mindfulness here.

“Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.” ~ Victor Hugo

Happiness can feel elusive—or even out of reach—when life and caregiving feel heavy. So many of us have heard the saying, “You’re only as happy as your least happy child,” but I’ve never subscribed to that belief. If we hinge our emotional well-being entirely on someone else’s struggle, we lose our ability to care for ourselves, and we drain the very resilience we need to keep showing up.

“The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion.” — Thích Nhất Hạnh

In my peer support work, I support a lot of caregivers who either focus on the future or ruminate about the past. “What-if’s” fill our heads, and as caregivers, we’re SO good at living in our heads. We’re prone to overthinking, worrying, and remaining in perpetual motion. Even in the middle of the night! (If that’s your most challenging time of day, like it is for me, try our breathing practices. Box breath or 4-7-8 are my favorites.)

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” ~ Viktor Frankl

Do your loved ones have a tough time regulating their emotions? Or is that just mine? I used to love to blame them when these blowouts happened. Then, I realized that I needed to focus on what’s in my control. My emotional response to others is something that I can definitely control. 

FEBRUARY THEME: Self-Discovery

“Finding oneself is a journey, not a destination.” — Unknown

In January, we discussed the power of setting intentions for who we want to be. Now at the end of February, we are well into our personal journeys of self-discovery. Some of us may be finding our paths as straightforward as we had hoped while others of us may be feeling challenged by the unexpected directions our roads are taking us. Wherever you may be on your journey, now is a great moment to pause and reflect.

As the quote states above, self-discovery is about the journey, not the destination. How have you grown in the last two months? Where do you hope to improve? Who has supported you? By taking a break to reflect, we can recognize our own inner strengths and treat ourselves with the self-compassion we need. 

 TOOLS FOR SELF-DISCOVERY

1. Be Compassionate Toward Yourself. While this is often easier said than done, remember that there are MANY ways to be compassionate toward yourself. Check out this toolkit for some suggestions!

2. Look for Joy in Your Life. Acknowledging joy in your life does not mean ignoring your pain or sadness. Rather, finding joy can mean recognizing the small and big things that boost your soul and encourage you to keep going even during challenging times.

3. Identify Your Strengths. We all have strengths that motivate us and help us through difficult dilemmas, but identifying them can be tricky. Sometimes just starting with the activities you enjoy or what others have complimented you on can be a good start.

Remember, you got this! Best wishes as you journey on! 💙 

Check out the complete February 2026 Newsletter focused on Self-Discovery here.

“With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.”

~ Dr. Kristin Neff

As caregivers, if there’s anything we’re really good at, it’s providing care to others. Then, why is it so hard to care for ourselves, too? We’re often hard on ourselves—beating ourselves up with self-doubt, self-blame, negative self-talk, and could-have–should-have thoughts.

“When you know your strengths, you know where you can be strong on purpose.”

— Marcus Buckingham

Caregiving is hard, but none of us comes to this journey empty-handed. We bring skills, values, and inner resources that help us navigate our challenges and achieve our goals. Identifying those strengths is part of self-discovery. When we slow down enough to understand who we are beneath our responsibilities, we gain clarity about what sustains us and what drains us. This knowledge helps us shift from surviving each day to caring with intention.

“Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.”

— A.A. Milne

Oh how I wish my caregiving was full of rainbows, unicorns, and sunshine all the time. Just as in life, caregiving comes with its good days and bad days, its joys and its sorrows. There have been more days than I can count where I’d love to push the “easy” button. 

JANUARY THEME: Setting Intentions

“By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands — your own.”  ~ Mark Victor Hansen

The beginning of the year often comes with exhilaration as we make bold plans to establish new habits, renew promises to ourselves, and look for areas for growth. But even as the possibilities excite us, fear may shadow us as we worry about what challenges this new year may hold and whether or not we are up to the task to meet them. As caregivers, we know all too well how quickly change occurs.

This is why we start with setting intentions. The simple act of establishing clearly what we will do this year can help guide us to our values and the actions we can take to realize them. We can manage our expectations while staying open-minded to the opportunities that come our way. By using "I will" statements rather than "I want" or "I won't" phrases, we can shape our intentions with the strengths we already have and desire to build, and, as a result, guide our decision-making and behavior to align with our goals.

3 TOOLS FOR SETTING INTENTIONS

1. Find Your Inner Peace. Start with the person you are in this moment. Remind yourself of who you are, what you value, and how you can leverage your strengths.

2. Remember, You Have the Power to Design Your Own Life. You get to decide what your life becomes! Reflect on your values and strengths to see what areas you would like to focus on this year.

3. Practice Self-Compassion. Obstacles are bound to happen! Be gentle with yourself and remember that you are doing everything you can in this moment with the knowledge and resources you have. Progress is the goal, not perfection. You got this!

Check out the complete January 2026 Newsletter focused on Setting Intentions here.

“Flexibility is the key to stability.” — John Wooden

Caregiving often requires stability in the middle of uncertainty. Many of us believe that stability means holding firm—sticking to routines, pushing through exhaustion, and keeping everything from falling apart. But stability also requires flexibility, as John Wooden reminds us in the quote above, and flexibility stems from open-mindedness.

For caregivers, open-mindedness isn’t about giving up standards or caring less. It’s about adapting in ways that help us stay grounded over the long haul. When we allow ourselves to be flexible, we reduce the pressure to have everything figured out and make room for a stability that is realistic, humane, and sustainable.

“If I pretend to myself that I’m different from the way I truly am, I’m going to make choices that won’t make me happy.” — Gretchen Rubin

I’ve written about Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Four Tendencies, before. After reading it a few years ago, I just knew we had to add “managing expectations” as one of the topics in our curriculum! Besides healthy boundaries and navigating guilt and shame, I’d say managing expectations is one of the things we talk about most with caregivers.

“We don’t learn from experience; we learn from reflecting on experience.” — John Dewey

I don’t know about you, but I have a complicated relationship with New Year’s resolutions. I don’t subscribe to the “New Year—New YOU” mantra. Here at Courage to Caregivers, as we begin our 8th year of providing programs to support unpaid family caregivers and working to prevent caregiver burnout, I am reflecting on all of the practices I have created for myself. One of those is setting intentions, which is our theme for January. Setting intentions for yourself is all about focusing on WHO you want to BE instead of WHAT you want to DO. After all, we’re human beings, not human doers. Being is at the heart of self-care.

“It's your outlook on life that counts. If you take yourself lightly and don't take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives. And sometimes it can be a lifesaver.” - Betty White 

How would you describe your outlook on life? Hopeful? Cautious? Fluid? Static? Taking the time to understand our outlooks can help us better understand how we react to the various people, situations, and challenges we face in our lives. Our outlooks can have powerful impacts on the decisions we make. Do we take advantage of an opportunity that comes our way or do we let it pass? How much do we believe in our own inner strengths and our abilities to find support?

Cambridge Dictionary defines OUTLOOK as "a person's way of understanding and thinking about something." When we have a hopeful outlook, we are able to feel motivated to learn and improve. When we are open-minded, we feel capable of turning possibilities into realities. While simply changing our outlooks will not erase all of the barriers we face in life, it can help guide us to certain actions and energize us to persevere and obtain the support we need.

3 TOOLS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY OUTLOOK

1. Have a hope-centered mindset.Hope reminds us of our inner strengths and ability to enact change. As the world shifts around us, our hope can also wax and wane, but remember that hope is not a finite resource. We can always find hope in ourselves and in our surrounding environments and communities.

2. Cultivate inner peace. Our days can be filled with chaos and it is easy to feel as if we have no control over our own lives. However, by taking the time, even if it's only five minutes, to find our inner calm, we can feel more prepared to tackle the challenges we face.

3. Embrace possibility thinking. By engaging with possibilities, we can allow ourselves to recognize what we want to happen in our lives. Once we recognize what we want, we can then understand the steps we have to take to make those wishes come true.

Check out the complete December 2025 Newsletter focused on Outlook here.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” — Rumi

For unpaid family caregivers, the winter solstice often feels less like a calendar event and more like a mirror. It is the longest night of the year—a season that echoes the exhaustion, isolation, and emotional weight that caregiving can bring. Rather than asking us to push through or “stay positive,” the solstice offers something caregivers rarely receive: permission to pause (especially at this hectic time of year). It invites us to acknowledge the darkness honestly, without judgment, and to honor all we have done to simply keep showing up.

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” — Albert Einstein

Like you, I am no stranger to challenges. I have faced many difficulties throughout my life. I have learned that I have the choice to look at these times in my life as challenges or opportunities. Just like learning from my mistakes, I try to learn what I can during times of personal or professional distress.

“Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” — Unknown

In an increasingly uncertain and turbulent world, cultivating inner calm has become essential for staying grounded and connected to what truly matters. Experts across psychology, spirituality, and personal growth emphasize that inner calm begins with turning inward—allowing ourselves to gently acknowledge our fears, vulnerabilities, and emotional divides. As Tara Brach explains, when we courageously make space for our own difficult feelings with kindness and presence, we strengthen our ability to extend compassion to others. This inner tenderness becomes the foundation for greater peace, intention, and connection, helping us navigate anxiety, conflict, and the weight of the world with clarity and resilience.

“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” — Christopher Reeve

Overall, I am a very hope-filled person. Yet, there have been times when I haven’t always been able to find hope. I wouldn’t say I was hopeless, but I have supported loved ones who were. When providing mental and emotional support for my brother who lived with anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder, as well as suicidal ideation, I believed he had given up on hope. As he gradually lost hope, I felt hope slipping away for me, too. So much that when our family created our walk team for the local suicide prevention organizations we support, we named ourselves the “Hope Seekers.”

I found my way back to hope. It was a conscious choice—a mindset—and something I have worked on for many years. I have since studied the science behind hope, and what I’ve discovered is nothing short of inspiring.

Hope isn’t just a feel-good emotion, it’s a powerful, measurable driver of well-being. Two large research efforts, including a 14-year study of 25,000 adults, found that people with high levels of hope experience better health, stronger relationships, greater resilience, and improved economic, educational, and employment outcomes. Unlike optimism, which is simply believing things will get better, hope reflects determination, agency, and the ability to take action. Hopeful individuals are less affected by negative life events, adapt more quickly, and feel a greater sense of meaning in life. Researchers emphasize that hope is a skill that can be developed at any age and may be one of the strongest predictors of long-term fulfillment, longevity, and overall quality of life.

“One of the most important things you can do on this earth is to let people know they are not alone.”

- Shannon L. Adler

We can't go through life without collaboration. Whether we're listening to and acting on our loved one's needs or scheduling a meetup with friends, we are constantly collaborating with those around us. However, as caregivers, opening ourselves up to collaboration can feel particularly complicated. It's not uncommon to find ourselves feeling isolated as we wonder if our peers and coworkers can understand our journeys and as we feel pressured to take on our responsibilities alone. We may even question whether or not we have the right to tell our stories as it is our loved one's stories of living with mental illness and other chronic or serious illnesses.

At Courage to Caregivers, we make it clear that you are not alone. When we recognize and honor the strengths and wisdom of both the people around us and ourselves and become open to collaboration, we are able to work together to care for not just our loved ones but also ourselves. We are much stronger together than we are alone.

3 TOOLS FOR COLLABORATION

1. Practice Active Listening - By listening to understand rather than to respond, we can better connect with those around us.

2. Be Empathetic - By feeling "with" others rather than "for," we can more strongly understand where people are coming from.

3. Ask for What You Need - By being specific about what we need from the people who want to be there for us, we can help others in supporting ourselves.

Check out the complete November 2025 Newsletter focused on Collaboration here.

“During your time of grief, the very rituals of the holidays can help you survive them.” ~ Alan Wolfelt

While we covered grief and loss as our topic way back in April (you can search what I’ve shared about grief over the years on our blog here), I wanted to share that we lost our 92-year-old-Dad last week, and one of the ways I process my grief and loss is through writing and sharing my story. It also feels like a good time to share some thoughts around coping with grief and loss at the holidays - for me, and perhaps for you, too? Even if you haven’t lost someone you love physically, as caregivers we face complicated grief and ambiguous loss in our caring every day. 

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” 

~ Melody Beattie

For unpaid family caregivers, our days can be filled with both deep love and deep exhaustion. While it’s easy to focus on what’s hard or what we wish were different, cultivating an attitude of gratitude can help us protect our emotional and mental well-being.

Gratitude is a powerful tool—it shifts our focus from what’s missing to what’s meaningful, reducing stress, improving mood, and strengthening resilience. When we take even a moment to acknowledge micro-joys—such as a kind word, a shared laugh, a peaceful breath—we remind ourselves that hope and healing still exist within the challenges.

Gratitude doesn’t ignore the difficulties of caregiving; it transforms how we carry them. When we practice noticing what’s good, we create space for peace, connection, and balance. It helps us respond to our loved ones with more patience and compassion while nurturing our own sense of purpose. Every day may not be easy, but every day offers something to be thankful for—and that gratitude becomes one of our strongest protective factors against burnout. 

“Stay in your own lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy.” ~ Brené Brown

Just a few weeks ago I wrote about progress over perfection and that one of my loved ones that I provide care for was having a hard time accepting their lack of mobility. We are still encouraging micro-steps as progress and try to celebrate small wins. I think looking at progress, no matter how small, instead of perfection, pairs nicely with this week’s topic of compare and despair.

“Compare and despair” thinking often brings feelings of jealousy and envy—emotions that drain our energy and joy. We can choose a different path by practicing self-compassion and remembering that we are each unique, imperfect, and still growing—perfectly imperfect perpetual works in progress. When we stop trying to be someone else and focus on nurturing our own strengths, we give ourselves permission to bloom exactly where we are planted.

“We see the world, not as it is, but as we are—or as we are conditioned to see it.” ~ Stephen R. Covey

As caregivers, our minds are constantly narrating—filling in gaps when things feel uncertain or overwhelming. Sometimes that story sounds like, “I’m not doing enough,” or “No one notices how hard I’m trying.” But when we pause and ask, “What story am I telling myself?” we give ourselves the power to step back and see the situation more clearly.