Expectations Don’t Bring Worthiness
This week’s topic is a new one for us, but it plays a hugely important role in our attitude toward ourselves, our relationships, and our place in the world, even if we may not realize it. Have you ever thought about how you respond to expectations? As we’ve heard from many of our participants, caregivers often get wrapped up in the expectations that they have of themselves, that they have of others, and that others have of them. This week, we’re discussing how to manage those expectations.
We’ve all been there. We have great expectations about trying something new or achieving an ambitious goal, but then we realize how difficult or time-consuming it will be, and we get discouraged. We might decide to give it up for now and come back to it later, or we just give up the idea completely. Our expectations may be well-meaning but unrealistic, and if we’re not aware of that, they can bring feelings of disappointment, resentment, and shame.
The key is to set realistic expectations for ourselves and others, and here are five tools to do that:
Talk it out. Communicate your expectations with others ahead of time. Especially when you’re venturing into something new, talk ahead of time with your loved ones about what you are hoping to see as the result.
Do a reality check. Measure the expectation against reality. Explore how likely your ideals are for the situation. Is this the first time we have tried this? Have I ever been here before? Is my timeline ideal to get this done?
Learn to let go. Practice letting go of expectations of new people or situations when trying something new so that you can ensure you are consciously giving every opportunity a fair chance.
Shift to positive self-talk. Our inner fears, shame, and doubt can creep out as negative self-talk. Shifting your mindset can help to ensure your success in execution.
Practice self-compassion. Remember that some things take time. If the timeline doesn’t go the way you expected, that doesn’t mean you failed. If we account for setbacks, delays, or mistakes, we are practicing self-compassion.
And one more thing … keep trying. Don’t give up if it doesn’t go right the first or even second time around.
Being aware of our expectations can help us to understand and relate to each other more effectively. So keep an open mind around your expectations of yourself and of others.
And remember, worthiness does not come with expectations. There are no conditions on worthiness. YOU are worthy of love, belonging, and joy, right now – as YOU are.