The Fleeting Nature of Emotions
“You feel angry? … You feel great? … This too shall pass.” – Tom Hanks
You probably know that we’re all about empowerment at Courage to Caregivers. And one of the best ways we can empower ourselves is by truly understanding our feelings and emotions – what we feel, why we feel that way, and how to keep our emotions from gaining control over us.
By learning to regulate our emotions, we are able to get back to our emotional center. This doesn’t mean we should try to suppress our feelings or pretend they don’t exist. We’re talking about recognizing our emotions for what they are – natural, instinctive responses that are neither good nor bad in and of themselves. It’s how we act after feeling those emotions that makes all the difference.
The emotion itself is very short-lived. According to Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, the actual chemical process that takes place in the brain and body when we have an emotional response lasts only 90 seconds. This is known as the 90-Second Rule. Whether we realize it or not, anything we do after that 90 seconds really depends on the choices we make. We choose to either regain control and return to center or continue responding in an emotional loop.
For what we do after those 90 seconds, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can help. DBT is a skill-based practice that focuses on controlling our emotions rather than letting our emotions control us. To regain that control, try the following three tools, according to DBT:
Recognize and name the emotion. It’s hard to manage our emotions when we’re so overwhelmed that we don’t even know what we’re feeling.
Decrease emotional vulnerability by practicing mindfulness. This helps us to let the intensity go and avoid circumstances that would only exacerbate the emotion or the situation. Mindfulness exercises can include grounding, breathing, distractions, or focusing on something specific.
Decrease emotional suffering: Find ways to invoke more positive and satisfying emotions to decrease distress (e.g., taking a bath, going for a drive, watching a funny movie).
Emotions are part of our daily lives, and it doesn’t help to ignore them. They come on fast, but they’re also gone in 90 seconds, unless we choose to continue to focus on them. Being mindful can give you the time to connect with what you feel, why you feel it, and what you want to do with that feeling after those 90 seconds are over. Remember, it’s YOUR choice.