Focus on a Great “Yes” by Learning to Say “No”
“No is a complete sentence.” ~ Anne Lamott
As unpaid family caregivers, we often feel pressure to explain ourselves when we set boundaries or say no. But Anne Lamott’s words remind us that “No is a complete sentence.” We don’t need to justify saying no to protect our energy or take care of our own well-being.
WHY is it SO hard to say NO? For caregivers, sometimes it’s out of fear of conflict—we worry that setting a boundary will create tension with someone else. Other times, it’s the fear of losing love—we want to be agreeable so others won’t pull away or reject us. And often, we simply don’t want to hurt or disappoint others, even if that means saying yes to something that drains or hurts us instead.
I try to focus on what makes a great YES. I recently faced a challenge with a small group of leaders who all share the same goal—support, education, and empowerment for those who care. Instead of focusing on all of the things I couldn’t do, I chose to focus on the things I COULD do. It’s very easy to tackle a problem with a solution that you’re willing to take on (even if it’s not the same one that someone else is asking you to take on.)
Saying no is not about neglecting our loved ones; it’s about protecting our energy, setting healthy boundaries, honoring our self-worth, and making sure we don’t stretch ourselves so thin that we burn out. Each time we set a limit, we are not only preserving our mental and emotional health but also ensuring we can continue to care in a sustainable way.
3 TOOLS FOR LEARNING TO SAY NO:
Use “Boundaried Yes” Statements - Instead of feeling pressured to give a full yes or a harsh no, caregivers can use phrases like: “I can help with this, but I can’t take that on right now.” This creates clarity while still setting limits, making it easier to say no without guilt.
Practice a Pause Before Responding - Caregivers can give themselves time by saying, “Let me think about that and get back to you.” This short pause creates space to evaluate one’s capacity before automatically saying yes, which helps prevent overcommitment.
Affirm “No” as Self-Care - Using affirmations like “Saying no to others can mean saying yes to my well-being” helps caregivers reframe boundaries as an act of self-care, not selfishness. This mindset shift strengthens confidence in saying no when necessary.
Learning to say no with confidence allows us to honor our limits, reduce stress, strengthen our resilience, and prevent burnout. When we give ourselves permission to say no, we create space to say yes to rest, joy, and meaningful moments with our loved ones. Together, we can let go of guilt about saying no and remember that protecting our own health is just as important as caring for those we love.