Answering the Question: “How Can I Help?”
"You don’t have to do it all alone. You were never meant to."
— Brené Brown
As caregivers, we’re usually not very good at asking for what WE NEED. We’re used to attending to everyone else’s needs. Yet, creating a support network is essential for family caregivers. It acts as a protective factor against burnout, isolation, and emotional exhaustion. Caregiving is demanding—physically, mentally, and emotionally—and no one is meant to do it alone.
As a pressed panini caregiver (I’m way beyond sandwiched caregiver), caring for my aging parents and a young adult with a traumatic brain injury, I’m immensely blessed to have the support of my two sisters who live nearby. We try to play to each other’s strengths, being clear what is IN our capacity and what is NOT. Each of us has a different capacity, and we’ve found ways to communicate that, as well as find inner peace.
But what if you don’t have sisters close by? It might start with noticing: Who IS in your circle of support? Who are the people you can count on? My guess is you have other family members (near or far), friends, neighbors, or colleagues that you could ask for support. You also may need to intentionally cultivate supportive relationships in your life, and that might feel hard. Yet, it’s possible to develop a casual friend into something MORE—and it works both ways—you can be there for each other. Or you might try connecting with others in the community—attend an event at the library, a place of worship, or maybe an art class. Fostering genuine connections is an ongoing process that requires effort and reciprocity.
3 TOOLS FOR CREATING YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK:
1. Create an "Ask for Help" Menu
Delegate specific, manageable tasks, such as picking up groceries, sitting with a loved one for an hour, or managing appointments. Creating a menu of tasks helps caregivers move past vague pleas for help and instead make clear, actionable requests. It provides a specific, helpful, and supportive response to the inevitable “How can I help?”
2. Check In Weekly with Your Connections
Set a regular time (even just 10–15 minutes weekly) to connect with a trusted friend, family member, or support group (don’t forget, we have four support groups!). Use a journal or app to track your emotional state, and reach out if you’re feeling isolated or stretched thin.
3. Use a Caregiver Support Binder or App
Organize key information—contacts, schedules, medications, resources—so that others can step in when needed. This tool empowers caregivers to share the load and gives supporters a clear path to help. This will also help with the “only I can do this” mindset.
My sisters and I create shared notes on our phones and share lists for just about everything as we care for our parents together—from shared calendars of availability to notes from doctor appointments and things we want to be sure are covered at the next care team meeting.
Support networks are not a luxury—they are a lifeline. They help us sustain our well-being, stay resilient, and (hopefully) prevent crises (or plan for one!) before they happen. A strong support system ensures that unpaid family caregivers are not just surviving, but supported, sustained, and thriving.
Remember, asking for AND accepting help is an act of strength, not failure.