Expectations, Dreams, and Reality
Expectations, Dreams, and Reality

“Manage expectations, but never lose sight of dreams.” ~ Michelle Obama, Becoming

My understanding of habits and expectations were transformed after reading Gretchen Rubin’s “Better Than Before” about making and breaking habits (SO many great strategies to build self-awareness and establish strategies that work for me). And then I quickly followed with her book ”The Four Tendencies” about understanding how you respond to inner and outer expectations. I’m linking her websites here as Rubin offers loads of resources and tips!

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Setting IntentionsKristi HornerManaging Expectations
Preparing for a Journey Like No Other
Preparing for a Journey Like No Other

"Tell your story because your story will heal you and it will heal someone else.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant 

When I was expecting our first child, 34 years ago, we purchased a book titled “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” by Arlene Eisenberg. It had been recently published and was dubbed the “pregnancy bible.” We devoured it, quickly followed by “What to Expect the First Year.” We read the books, took all the classes we could, and followed the doctor’s orders (my husband had a LOT of questions). Even though we had plenty of experience as babysitters, camp counselors, and Sunday school teachers, we were as nervous as we could be – we (still) can’t believe they let us take home our little bundle of love. Yet, with all that preparation, we didn’t have a road map for what would come. (Back then, we would have gone to AAA and asked for a Triptik.) 

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Setting IntentionsKristi HornerMapping Your Journey
DECEMBER 2024 Newsletter: We Can Determine Our Outlook
DECEMBER 2024 Newsletter: We Can Determine Our Outlook

"Those who see the cosmic perspective as a depressing outlook, they really need to reassess how they think about the world. Because when I look up in the universe, I know I'm small but I'm also big. I'm big because I'm connected to the universe, and the universe is connected to me." ~ Neil deGrasse Tyson

How do you feel when you look up at the night sky? Do you feel small and unimportant? Or do you feel big and connected? As seen here, our outlooks not only affect how we view the situations, people, and places around us, but also how we view ourselves.

Cambridge Dictionary defines OUTLOOK as "a person's way of understanding and thinking about something." On its own, an "outlook" is not inherently positive, negative, or neutral. Rather, we shape our outlooks based on our backgrounds and experiences and on the information and people around us. 

By recognizing how we determine and adjust our outlooks, we can influence how we take on the challenges and obstacles that will inevitably come our way. This past month, we explored how we can find HOPE and INNER CALM in difficult times, embrace POSSIBILITIES AND OPPORTUNITIES, and FACE THE DARKNESS OF THE WINTER SOLSTICE. Now, as we enter the new year, we will continue shaping our outlooks in a way that allows us to grow and learn.

3 TOOLS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY OUTLOOK

  1. Have a hope-centered mindset. Hope reminds us of our inner strengths and ability to enact change. As the world shifts around us, our hope can also wax and wane, but remember that hope is not a finite resource. We can always find hope in ourselves and in our surrounding environments and communities.

  2. Cultivate inner peace. Our days can be filled with chaos and it is easy to feel as if we have no control over our own lives. However, by taking the time, even if it's only five minutes, to find our inner calm, we can feel more prepared to tackle the challenges we face.

  3. Embrace possibility thinking. By engaging with possibilities, we can allow ourselves to recognize what we want to happen in our lives. Once we recognize what we want, we can then understand the steps we have to take to make those wishes come true.

Check out our entire December newsletter focused on Outlook here.

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OutlookKristi HornerHope, Inner Calm, Opportunity, Possibility, Winter Solstice
The Light Within Shines through the Darkest Night
The Light Within Shines through the Darkest Night

“Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light.” ~ Madeleine L’Engle

Congratulations! If you live in the Northern Hemisphere, you have survived the longest, darkest night of the year (Saturday, December 21) – the Winter Solstice!

For many people, winter can be a long, dark, and difficult time of year. For some, darkness symbolizes the unknown or fear. Yet, it intersects with a time of year – the Holidays – that the world tells us should be filled with peace, love, and joy. How do we face darkness in our own lives when the rest of the world seems to be shining brightly? 

What if, instead of searching for light outside ourselves, we look for the light that exists within – our strengths and hope?

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OutlookKristi HornerWinter Solstice, Dark vs Light
Think of the Opportunities; Imagine the Possibilities
Think of the Opportunities; Imagine the Possibilities

“If you embrace possibility thinking, your dreams will go from molehill to mountain size, and because you believe in possibilities, you put yourself in position to achieve them.” ~ John Maxwell

We asked our participants this week, “What’s your favorite part of winter?” We heard everything from the glistening of new fallen snow to getting cozy with a warm beverage to new beginnings. I LOVE thinking about winter as a new beginning – a fresh start!

And a fresh start means new opportunities and possibilities. This topic is one of my favorites because both opportunity and possibility expand on the growth mindset and on HOPE. Having a growth mindset allows us to pursue the opportunities of today – and tomorrow – with limitless possibilities and hope for the future. 

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OutlookKristi HornerOpportunity, Possibility
Stay Calm, and Stay in Control
Stay Calm, and Stay in Control

“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.” – Pema Chödrön

So much of what we talk about at Courage to Caregivers revolves around control – recognizing what we can and can’t control, and having the courage to act on those things we can control to empower our self-growth. With all the chaos that typically surrounds a caregiver’s life, it may seem that we don’t have much control over our ability to find inner peace or inner calm. But as the quote above states, inner peace is indeed under our control.

Inner calm is a choice we make when we decide to regain control of our emotions and limit the stress we feel from external forces. We know that we can’t always control external events or how others behave, but we can control our own reactions to them. By choosing not to let outside influences dictate our emotions, we empower ourselves to maintain our balance and serenity, or peace and calm, even in the most challenging situations.

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OutlookKristi HornerInner Calm, Inner Peace
Let Your Hope Keep You Grounded
Let Your Hope Keep You Grounded

“In a way, life is a constant process of supersurvival, of facing life’s seemingly impossible choices with honesty and faith in ourselves. It’s a capacity all of us share. It’s the capacity to hope.”

– from Supersurvivors by David Feldman and Lee Daniel Kravetz

I read Supersurvivors by David Feldman and Lee Daniel Kravetz this year, and it was a very inspiring read. Supersurvival refers to our ability to endure life’s most challenging moments, not just by surviving, but by finding meaning, growth, and purpose beyond the hardship. The quote above emphasizes the resilience, inner strength, and courage that our capacity to hope gives us when we face adversity.

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OutlookKristi HornerHope
NOVEMBER 2024 Newsletter: Collaboration Makes Us Stronger
NOVEMBER 2024 Newsletter: Collaboration Makes Us Stronger

"Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much." - Helen Keller

Caregiving can feel incredibly isolating. As caregivers, particularly mental illness caregivers, we can sometimes feel as if we do not have the right to tell our stories since they are really our loved ones' stories of living with mental illness or other chronic and serious illnesses. Additionally, when surrounded by people we feel "do not understand," it's easy to feel judged or shamed for our choices. Finding a space where we can be vulnerable or authentic can be challenging and, at times, feel downright impossible.

Fortunately, we are not alone. Courage to Caregivers is dedicated to bringing together caregivers to create a community of CARE. We are here to support you - as a caregiver - as YOU - in your personal growth journey towards greater health and well-being.  When you take care of yourself (too), you provide better care to those you love.  

This month, we have explored how we can better collaborate with those around us through MANAGING our perceptions, AVOIDING comparing and despairing, and FINDING gratitude. Remember, you are never alone. 

3 TOOLS FOR COLLABORATION:

  1. Practice Active Listening - By listening to understand rather than to respond, we can better connect with those around us.

  2. Be Empathetic - By feeling "with" others rather than "for," we can more strongly understand where people are coming from.

  3. Ask for What You Need - By being specific about what we need from the people who want to be there for us, we can help others in supporting ourselves.

Check out our entire November newsletter focused on Collaboration here.

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CollaborationKristi HornerForgiveness, Gratitude, Managing Perceptions, Compare and Despair
The Power of Forgiveness and Gratitude
The Power of Forgiveness and Gratitude

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. It opens the door to forgiveness, compassion, and serenity.” – Robert A. Emmons

When things get rough and nothing seems to be going our way, taking time to reflect on things we’re grateful for can often lift our spirits. And when we’re feeling resentment toward the actions of others, being able to show some forgiveness can help us feel better. But forgiveness and gratitude are far more than temporary actions that might help us get through difficult moments in our lives. They can be powerful tools for driving personal growth and healing troubled relationships.

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CollaborationKristi HornerForgiveness, Gratitude
Practice Compassion, Not Comparison
Practice Compassion, Not Comparison

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

– Wendy Mass (also attributed to Plato and others)

We love the quote above, and we use it a lot. For me, this quote is a great connector, encouraging compassion and empathy, urging us to treat others with unconditional kindness and understanding.

But what if we showed ourselves the same kind of compassion? In our efforts for self-improvement, we can sometimes fall into the trap of compare and despair. We look at others and focus on areas where we feel we are lacking. This type of distorted thinking can lead to depression, anxiety, shame, jealousy, self-criticism, low self-esteem, and low self-confidence. Yet, if we take a moment to practice some self-compassion – realizing that we are no better or worse than anyone else fighting their own battles – we can begin to treat ourselves with the same kindness and encouragement that we give to others. 

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CollaborationKristi HornerCompare and Despair
The Foundation of Perceptions
The Foundation of Perceptions

“All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions.”  ~ Leonardo da Vinci

One of the most powerful tools we have in our journey of self-growth is the ability to manage perceptions. It can also be one of the hardest to put into action.

Our perceptions form the foundation of everything we know and believe. They influence how we gather and interpret information. They shape the way we think, affect the way we learn, and guide our decision-making. So it’s natural to feel uncomfortable when we encounter something that challenges the reality we thought we knew based on our perceptions. Recognizing that we all have beliefs and biases that stem from our unique perceptions is important both for self-growth and for strengthening our connections with those around us.

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CollaborationKristi HornerManaging Perceptions
OCTOBER 2024 Newsletter: Choose Courage
OCTOBER 2024 Newsletter: Choose Courage

What comes to mind when you hear the word "COURAGE?" Do you think of larger-than-life figures? The battles and revolutions you studied in school? The brave actions that individuals and communities have taken across time to change the world? Courage is a term that we hear often, yet we struggle sometimes to attribute to ourselves. 

However, this month, we recognized the big and small ways we can be courageous in our everyday lives. Whether it is through LEARNING from our mistakes, FINDING strength amidst adversity, CHOOSING progress over perfection, or SAYING no, we bring courage to ourselves as caregivers.

Brené Brown says it best in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: "The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant ‘To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’

“Over time, this definition has changed, and today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic. Heroics is important and we certainly need heroes, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage. Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world that’s pretty extraordinary.”

3 TOOLS TO CULTIVATE COURAGE:

  1. Notice and Accept Your Thoughts and Emotions - It is natural to feel scared, stressed, and overwhelmed at times. Life is hard, and unexpected situations and events can occur! There is no shame in experiencing emotions. What matters is what we do with them.

  2. Embrace Your Fears, and Share with Others - Recognize which of your fears are legitimate and which are unfounded. Remember, you are NOT alone. Find your community of support. Join our group coaching here!

  3. Own Your Power, and Choose Courage - Courage is something we can learn. Take stock of your strengths and room for growth, and courageously take action. You got this!

Check out our entire October newsletter focused on Courage here.

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Kristi HornerLearn From Mistakes, Learning From Mistakes, Strength Amidst Adversity, Strength, Progress Over Perfection, Learn to Say NO
Sometimes We Have to Say “No”
Sometimes We Have to Say “No”

“When you learn to say yes to yourself, you will be able to say no to others, with love.” – Alain Cohen

It can be one of the most difficult things we have to do – saying no. But sometimes it’s the right thing to do. As we navigate our way through our lives, we can’t be all things to all people. It’s natural that some opportunities, tasks, or commitments simply don’t align with where we are at this point in our journey. Learning to say no is an essential skill for protecting our time, energy, and well-being. While it may be uncomfortable and even against our nature to say no, it’s a powerful way to set healthy boundaries and prioritize what truly matters.

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CourageKristi HornerJust Say No
How to Be Perfectly Imperfect
How to Be Perfectly Imperfect

“Have the courage to be imperfect.” – Alfred Fidler

I say it all the time: “I’m a perfectly imperfect perpetual work in progress.” But this week, I get to dig deeper into what I mean by that. Our topic – progress over perfection – focuses on what we can gain by shifting from an all-or-nothing perfectionist attitude to one that cultivates progress, resilience, and excellence. When we realize it’s our progress that matters, and not our imperfections, we empower ourselves to grow – to be the best “work in progress” that we can be. 

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CourageKristi HornerProgress Over Perfection
Feeling Stronger Every Day
Feeling Stronger Every Day

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” – Nelson Mandela

When it comes to this week’s topic, finding strength amidst adversity, it’s not hard to find lots of inspirational quotes. In addition to the one from Nelson Mandela above, here are a few of my favorites.

  • “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” ~ C.S. Lewis

  • “All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.” ~ Helen Keller

  • “I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.” ~ Louisa May Alcott

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CourageKristi HornerStrength Amidst Adversity
The Power of Admitting a Mistake
The Power of Admitting a Mistake

"The most successful people are not the ones who never fail, but the ones who learn from their failures." ~ Angela Duckworth, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

It’s part of being human. We see a problem that needs fixing, or something important that needs to be done, and with the best of intentions, we do something that just turns out all wrong. We’ve made a mistake, and as I like to say, it’s all part of being a perfectly imperfect perpetual work in progress.

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CourageKristi HornerLearn From Mistakes, Learning From Mistakes
SEPTEMBER 2024 Newsletter: Strength Lies in Tenacity
SEPTEMBER 2024 Newsletter: Strength Lies in Tenacity

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity...You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward." ~ Amelia Earhart

When was the last time you didn't give up? What motivated you to persist? TENACITY is defined by Cambridge Dictionary as "the determination to continue what you are doing." However, as we all know, finding and growing this determination is hardly ever simple. Everyday, we feel overwhelmed by our seemingly endless tasks and responsibilities. However, we have the tools within ourselves to keep going.

3 TOOLS TO DEVELOP TENACITY

  1. Growth Mindset - By remembering that we are all capable of learning and changing, we can overcome setbacks and determine what is within our reach.

  2. Adaptability and Flexibility - When facing uncertainty, being able to adapt and pivot is essential to supporting our loved ones and giving them the care they need in the moment.

  3. Positive Mindset - We ALL make mistakes and it's how we learn from them and grow that allows us to overcome doubt and build resilience.

Embracing our inner tenacity can be challenging, but by being PERSISTENT, developing REALISTIC OPTIMISM, and finding our COPING MECHANISMS, we can prepare ourselves for the hurdles we face and discover our determination to keep moving forward. Remember, you got this!

Check out our entire September newsletter focused on Tenacity here.

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TenacityKristi HornerCoping mechanisms, Coping, Optimism, Realistic Optimism, Persistence
Practice Tolerance, and De-Stress from Distress
Practice Tolerance, and De-Stress from Distress

“When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage.”  ~ Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress

Our topic this week is coping mechanisms, and I want to talk about one particular skill – distress tolerance – which helps us manage and cope with crises or situations that trigger intense emotions.

If you’ve been following us for a while, you know I’m a huge fan of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and distress tolerance is one of the four key skills of DBT: mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance. Each of these skills plays a critical role in managing difficult emotions and navigating life challenges.

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TenacityKristi HornerCoping mechanisms, Coping
Realistic Optimism Means Staying in Balance
Realistic Optimism Means Staying in Balance

“Life inflicts the same setbacks and tragedies on the optimist as on the pessimist, but the optimist weathers them better.”

– from Learned Optimism by Martin E.P. Seligman

At Courage to Caregivers, empowerment is one of the three areas we focus on for caregivers, along with education and support. This week’s topic of realistic optimism is all about empowerment. It empowers us to learn from our failures, view risks as opportunities for growth, and find gratitude even in unmet expectations. 

Now, the pessimist in you might say, “That’s a lot to expect from realistic optimism. Nothing can do all that.” But the realistic optimist might say, “I’m not sure it can do all that, but I’ll read on to learn more.”

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TenacityKristi HornerRealistic Optimism, Optimism
Persistence – A Common Trait in Caregivers
Persistence – A Common Trait in Caregivers

“Success is not the absence of failure; it’s the persistence through failure.”  – Aisha Tyler

For caregivers, it’s common to feel overwhelmed at times and to be tempted to give up. But do you know what’s also common? Our persistence. Among all the traits associated with caregivers, persistence might be the most frequently mentioned.

Why? Maybe it’s because a caregiver’s tasks and responsibilities can feel never-ending, yet we still endure. And any progress for our loved one may be difficult to recognize, yet we continue to hope. And we may encounter many barriers between us and our goals, yet we maintain our commitment to do the hard work necessary to overcome them.

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TenacityKristi HornerPersistence