Holding Space, Without Limits

"I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so." 

~Elphaba, Defying Gravity, Wicked

In preparing the social media for this week, I ran across a powerful blog by Heather Plett, from the Centre for Holding Space, "Holding Space and Defying Gravity (on feeling invisible and finding power)," and she inspired me to think about that powerful song from one of my favorite musicals, "Wicked," with regards to holding space for ourselves as caregivers.

The Elphaba quote from "Wicked" — "I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so." — powerfully reflects what it means for us as unpaid family caregivers to hold space for ourselves.

It represents:

Reclaiming personal agency: Caregivers are often told what they should or shouldn’t feel, want, or need. This quote is a declaration of no longer accepting those imposed boundaries and instead choosing to honor one's own truth.

Rejecting self-sacrifice as the only option: It challenges the belief that caregivers must always put others first at the expense of their own identity, energy, or dreams.

Creating space for self-worth: It’s a reminder that caregivers have the right to set their own limits, care for themselves, and reject narratives that diminish their needs or potential.

This quote is a bold affirmation that I deserve to exist fully, not just in service to others.

I often think of myself as a reluctant (lifelong) caregiver. I see it as a responsibility or a duty. I’ve felt shamed and judged when I say how this feels out loud to others who feel caregiving is exclusively an honor or a blessing. Caregiving has changed me in many ways that are good — I’m a better listener, I’ve learned to be a creative problem-solver, and I am closer with my sisters and husband as we collaboratively co-caregive our loved ones. Yet, caregiving has also changed me in ways that are not so good — I’m tired (exhausted, if I were being completely honest) — pushed beyond my limits — and have a hard time finding space for myself. So I’m also paying attention to this week’s topic.  

3 TOOLS TO HOLD SPACE FOR YOURSELF

 Tools to show yourself the same empathy, patience, and presence you offer to others:

1) Mindful Self-Check-Ins

This simple habit helps you as a caregiver to stay attuned to your inner world, instead of getting lost in constant caregiving mode. Take a few minutes each day to pause and ask:

• How am I feeling — physically, emotionally, mentally?

• What do I need right now?

2) Self-Compassion Practices

Practicing self-kindness can disrupt patterns of guilt and perfectionism. Use gentle, validating language with yourself, especially when you're struggling. Try phrases like:

• “It’s okay to feel this way.”

• “I’m doing the best I can with what I have in this moment.”

3) Create a “Pause Space”

Designate a physical or symbolic space (a chair, a journal, a short walk) where you step out of your caregiving role — even briefly. Use this space to breathe deeply, reflect, or simply be. These intentional pauses remind you that your needs matter, too.

Holding space for yourself is not selfish — it’s foundational. It protects our capacity to care sustainably and compassionately, for our loved ones and ourselves.

Holding space for yourself as a caregiver means remembering that YOU matter, too — not just as a caregiver but as a whole person who deserves care, presence, and peace.