Finding Gentle Joy
“Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.”
— A.A. Milne
Oh how I wish my caregiving was full of rainbows, unicorns, and sunshine all the time. Just as in life, caregiving comes with its good days and bad days, its joys and its sorrows. There have been more days than I can count where I’d love to push the “easy” button.
Alas, caregiving is hard—as life is hard. If there’s anything that my caring for others has shown me, it’s that I have grown in my strength to face adversity. Yet, along the way, I’ve needed to remind myself that I am worthy of joy. And it’s OK to feel joy when everything around me feels like it’s falling apart.
There are seasons of caregiving when finding joy feels hard, or dare I say even impossible. For caregivers, the ongoing stress, grief, and emotional exhaustion can narrow our capacity to experience lightness or relief. This isn’t a personal failure; it’s a signal that our nervous system may be overwhelmed.
When joy feels out of reach, the most important first step is to remove pressure. We don’t need to “stay positive” or search for happiness—we need permission to be honest about where we are and self-compassion for what we’re carrying.
When joy feels hard, we can start small by cultivating micro-joys, shifting our focus from feeling joyful to feeling safe or neutral.
3 TOOLS FOR CULTIVATING MICRO-JOYS:
Micro-Joy Noticing: Instead of waiting for big breaks or perfect days, try to intentionally notice small moments that bring ease, comfort, or connection—warm sunlight, a shared laugh, a favorite song, a quiet pause. This helps regulate our nervous system and counterbalance chronic stress by reminding our brain that safety and pleasure still exist alongside challenge.
Joy Anchors: Identify one or two simple activities that bring you calm or pleasure, and intentionally return to them during stressful moments (e.g., stepping outside, deep breathing with a cup of tea, a grounding phrase, or a brief stretch). These anchors act as emotional “reset buttons,” helping us stay present and preventing overwhelm from accumulating.
Permission Reframing: Consider actively challenging the belief that joy is selfish or undeserved in your caring. By reframing joy as a tool to build our resilience, we allow ourselves to experience moments of lightness without guilt. This mindset shift supports sustainability, emotional resilience, and long-term compassion for ourselves and others.
These tools aren’t about forcing joy—they’re about creating conditions where joy can slowly return. By honoring our limits, naming what feels manageable, and letting go of guilt around feeling good, we strengthen our resilience in sustainable ways. Small moments of ease accumulate, helping us regulate emotions, reconnect with meaning, and continue caregiving with steadiness and care.
When joy feels hard, begin by being gentle with yourself, and from that gentleness, possibility can grow.