loss — Blog — Courage to Caregivers

APRIL 2025 Newsletter - Common Humanity Thrives in All of Us

APRIL THEME: COMMON HUMANITY

"Self-compassion is rooted in our common humanity. When we struggle or make mistakes, there’s often an irrational but pervasive sense of isolation – as if 'I' were the only person in the world having this painful experience. All humans suffer, however. Not the same way or the same amount, but the very definition of being 'human' means being vulnerable, flawed and imperfect. When we are self-compassionate, we recognize that our suffering connects us rather than separates us from others." ~ Dr. Kristin Neff

As Dr. Kristin Neff puts aptly here, being human means we have vulnerabilities and flaws, and that we make mistakes. In our caregiving, we often feel the pressure to be "perfect" and make the right decisions all the time. It becomes easy to feel isolated and as if no one understands what we are going through. However, COMMON HUMANITY reminds us that we are not alone. While our particular challenges and stories may be unique, the fact that we all know what it feels like to be vulnerable and imperfect allows us to build bridges to one another rather than close doors.

Life is hard. Our lives are full of both pain and joy. We experience complex grief and loss and the feelings of isolation that come with it. When we step back and remember we are not alone, we can break through that loneliness and find connection and belonging. Common humanity means acknowledging that we are never truly going through life by ourselves. Hand-in-hand, we can listen and support one another, acting with compassion toward others and ourselves.

3 Tools to Help Appreciate Our Common Humanity

Remember that we are not alone. It is sometimes easier to see what divides us instead of what brings us together. However, common humanity is not the absence of difference. Common humanity simply means recognizing that even with our differences, we are still human and have the capacity to connect with one another.
Practice self-compassion.As we emphasize here at Courage to Caregivers, we cannot be truly kind to others if we are not also taking care of ourselves. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can, and talk to yourself as you would talk to a beloved friend.
Embrace connections. Focus on what connects us to other people rather than what makes us different. By building connections based on our common humanity, we can support both ourselves and those around us.

Check out our entire April 2025 Newsletter focused on Common Humanity here.

Our Grief May Be Ambiguous, but It’s Real

"The Companioning Model of grief care reminds us that our helping role is not to 'fix what is broken,' but instead to 'nurture what is best.'" ~ Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt

We all know that caregiving can be complicated. Even our feelings can be ambiguous and hard to understand. This is known as ambiguous loss – a type of grief where a person experiences the loss of someone who is still physically present but emotionally or cognitively absent, such as in situations like dementia, brain injury, or mental illness. If caregivers don’t acknowledge and process this unique grief, it can lead to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and resentment.

I wasn’t aware of this type of grief journey until our son’s accident, leaving him with a traumatic brain injury and permanent brain damage. I have now come to realize that it is a very common form of loss, and many caregivers struggle with it because it lacks closure or clear resolution, making it difficult to fully grieve or heal.