Shine Your Light, and Watch Shame Subside
"The difference between shame and guilt is the difference between ‘I am bad’ and ‘I did something bad.’ " ~ Brené Brown
With all of the demands you have on your time and attention as a caregiver, have you ever felt as if what you do is never ENOUGH? Thoughts like that can lead to shame. Shame is internal, personal, and tied to our identity. Guilt, on the other hand, stems from actions, not identity.
I love Brené Brown’s Shame Resilience Theory (SRT). It offers a framework for understanding how we experience shame—and more importantly, how we can build skills to move through shame without being overwhelmed or defined by it. SRT suggests that while shame is a universal emotion, we can learn to respond to it in healthy, empowering ways. Instead of staying stuck in the silence, secrecy, and self-judgment associated with shame, we can build resilience by:
Recognizing shame and its triggers
Practicing critical awareness (questioning the messages or expectations that fuel shame)
Reaching out and speaking shame (talking to someone we trust)
Building empathy—for ourselves and others
3 TOOLS FOR REDEFINING GUILT AND SHAME:
Name It to Tame It (Emotional Awareness) - A practice of identifying and labeling emotions clearly—e.g., “I feel guilty because I couldn’t do everything today,” or “This feels like shame, but it’s really disappointment.” Naming emotions helps caregivers separate facts from feelings and gives us power over shame by bringing it into the light. Shame thrives in secrecy—naming it starts to shrink it.
Self-Compassion Check-In - A simple practice of asking: What am I feeling? What would I say to a friend in this situation? What do I need right now? This self-compassion check-in replaces shame-based self-talk with kindness and allows caregivers to see their limits as part of being human—not as contributing to failure.
Guilt Reframing Exercise - A journaling practice where caregivers rewrite guilt-driven thoughts into balanced, truthful statements. For example, “I’m a bad daughter because I lost my patience” becomes “I had a hard moment, but I’m doing my best in a very tough situation.”
Shame grows in the hidden corners of our lives, thriving in silence and secrecy. But when we shine a light through empathy for others and self-compassion for ourselves, we can begin to loosen shame’s grip on ourselves and create space for healing and connection.