Remain Open, and Stay Curious
“Curiosity creates possibilities and possibilities create hope.” ~ Unknown
You know me to often write from my own lived experience in bringing a weekly topic to life, and that’s the case this week for the topic of staying curious. This is hard to share, but our 91-year-old mom has a new diagnosis of dementia. Looking back, it came on slowly, as these things often do, yet a recent infection aggravated it significantly. Adding this to my PhD in lived experience, I have a newfound appreciation for dementia caregivers.
While supporting Mom in her new “reality,’ I find myself using curiosity a lot more. I know enough not to correct someone living with dementia, as this is their reality. Correcting them only adds to their confusion and frustration. Instead, I’m using curiosity, along with my coping strategy of humor. — Mom: “I woke up from my nap, and there was a beautiful white cat perched on the edge of my couch.” Me: “Oh, how interesting, tell me more.” More questions ensued like “What was its name? Did they stay long? Were they purring? Do you think they’ll come back? It sounds like their visit brought you joy.” My curiosity helps validate her reality, and asking these open-ended questions helps her to remain calm, and we can have a peaceful conversation.
Caregiving does not require certainty — only our willingness to remain open to learning and growth. Curiosity allows caregivers to continue discovering new ways to care for both others and ourselves.
3 TOOLS TO DEVELOP YOUR CURIOSITY:
1. Possibility Mapping
When caregiving challenges feel overwhelming, our thinking can narrow, making it harder to see options. Possibility mapping helps us gently widen our perspective by identifying even small areas where choice or support may exist. We can draw a simple circle and write a current challenge in the center, then surround it with possible supports, ideas, or next steps — no matter how small. These might include reaching out to a peer, asking a question at an appointment, exploring a resource, adjusting expectations, or identifying one thing within our control.
Possibility mapping reminds us that even when circumstances seem outside of our control, there are often still options available. Seeing possibilities on paper can reduce feelings of helplessness and strengthen problem-solving confidence.
2. Glimmers Practice
“Glimmers” are small moments that give us a sense of comfort, connection, or possibility, even during difficult caregiving seasons. Unlike big breakthroughs, glimmers are often quiet and easy to overlook: a kind text message, a moment of laughter, a helpful professional interaction, a deep breath, a brief sense of relief, or noticing that something felt just a little easier today than yesterday. When we intentionally look for glimmers, we train our minds to notice that positive moments still exist alongside challenges.
Glimmers support hope by reminding us that caregiving is not made up only of stress — there are also moments of meaning, progress, and connection. Over time, noticing glimmers helps strengthen emotional regulation, reduce overwhelm, and reinforce the belief that supportive moments can continue to emerge. Even small glimmers can gently shift our perspective from “nothing is changing” to “something is still possible.”
3. Curiosity Pause Practice
When stress is high, our nervous system can move quickly into reaction mode. A short pause helps create space for curiosity to emerge. Try a simple 3-step pause:
Notice what you are feeling
Name the challenge without judgment
Ask one curious question such as What support might help right now?
Even a brief pause can interrupt overwhelm and help us respond more intentionally, strengthening emotional regulation and resilience.
Together, these tools help us remain open to learning, connection, and possibility. Staying curious does not remove the challenges of caregiving, but it does help us approach those challenges with greater flexibility, compassion, and hope.