“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” – Eleanor Brownn
This month, we have emphasized the importance of both giving and receiving hope. When we act with compassion toward ourselves and others and allow ourselves to receive others' care and kindness, we make meaningful differences in all of our lives. Wellness cannot be disconnected from our relationships with our loved ones, our environment, and the world around us.
By practicing self-care through sleep hygiene, movement, self-discipline, and mindfulness, we can re-energize ourselves and find the motivation and strength we need to keep living purposefully. And, we don't have to do this alone! By asking for help when we need it, letting others support us, and taking the time to listen to those around us, we can build our support networks and find community in one another. Together, we can grow and share hope.
3 TOOLS FOR STARTING YOUR WELLNESS JOURNEY
Slow Down and Focus - Resting is just as important--and at times even more important--than being active. By allowing ourselves time to recharge and reflect, we can more accurately see our areas of improvement and what steps we can take toward growth.
Don't Forget to Move Either - This month we discussed how moving with courage means moving with love for ourselves and our bodies. By taking care of our physical health, we can feel better not just physically, but emotionally as well.
Identify Your Hope Anchors - Recognize the people, practices, and beliefs that anchor us to our goals and values. By acknowledging what motivates us, we can find the strength to persist.
"Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself."
— Hermann Hesse
Caregiving will always include challenges, uncertainty, and responsibilities that we cannot control. But we can find small pockets of peace that help us recharge and reconnect with ourselves when we create our own personal sanctuary.
"Motivation gets you going, but discipline keeps you growing." — John C. Maxwell
As unpaid family caregivers, we often talk about finding the motivation to take care of ourselves. We know self-care matters. We know we need healthy boundaries, support, rest, and time to recharge. Yet knowing what we should do and actually doing it can be two very different things.
That's where understanding the difference between motivation and self-discipline can help.
“Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live." — Jim Rohn
This week, we have a challenge for you: Move your body for just five minutes each day. Notice how you feel before and after. Pay attention to your energy, mood, stress level, and sense of well-being.
When we move our bodies, we support both our physical and emotional well-being. Movement can reduce stress, improve mood, increase energy, support better sleep, and help protect against burnout. Yet sometimes the hardest part is finding the courage to begin, especially when we're tired, overwhelmed, or convinced we don't have time.
"Sleep is an investment in the energy you need to be effective tomorrow." — Tom Roth
As caregivers, we invest so much of ourselves into the people we love. So much so that sleep is often one of the first things we sacrifice. We stay up worrying, responding to needs, managing responsibilities, or simply trying to find a few quiet moments for ourselves.
"No matter your features We're all the same tender loving creatures Taking steps upon the earth Don't need anyone to tell you what you're worth"
-"Power," MILCK
At Courage to Caregivers, we view EMPOWERMENT as vital to our roles as family caregivers. Empowerment, put simply, is the state of being able to take charge of our own lives. Through empowerment, we are able to embrace the courage we need to think creatively, ask for help when we need it, and take advantage of our strengths and skillsets as caregivers.
We find empowerment through reflecting on who we are as people and how we want to learn and develop. From there, we can recognize how capable we already are, and how we can keep growing. Empowerment doesn't mean we have to struggle alone. Instead, it's about recognizing and embracing our ability to make change in our own lives. As singer-songwriter MILCK says in her anthem "Power," you "don't need anyone to tell you what you're worth."
3 TOOLS FOR BECOMING EMPOWERED
Shift your mindset - Empowerment is all about taking control of your own life, and this includes your mindset. As we discussed in May when we covered growth mindset, we have the ability to shift our thinking away from "I can't" to "I can learn."
Reflect on your values and goals- In order to know what you need, it's vital to take a moment to reflect on what you care about and how that relates to what you would like to become. What strengths do you have? Where would you like to grow?
Find your community- Caregiving can feel incredibly isolating at times. That's why finding a caring community that can support and cheer you on can be instrumental in lifting you up and empowering you to be your best self.
“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.” — Shannon L. Alder
Establishing healthy boundaries is important, but caregiving is rarely that simple. When someone we love is struggling, our instinct is to help. We want to ease their suffering, prevent mistakes, and make things better. Yet, by helping, we might also be enabling—unintentionally getting in the way of someone else's growth, independence, or ability to solve problems. The challenge isn't choosing between caring and setting boundaries. It's learning how to do both in a way that protects our well-being while supporting our loved one’s growth and independence.
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.” ~ Audre Lorde
What comes to mind when we talk about “holding space” for ourselves?
For me, it starts with MAKING space. It means recognizing that my capacity is finite, and it’s important to intentionally set aside some of it to care for my own needs. At this stage of my life, I’m focusing on the basics: healthy nutrition and hydration, regular movement, and making sleep a priority. These are not luxuries—they are the foundation that helps me continue showing up for the people and causes I care about.
I think of my time, energy, and attention as finite resources. There are only so many hours in a day and only so much of me to give. Yet so much of who I am is infinite. My ability to learn, grow, adapt, cope, love, and hold hope has no fixed limit. Holding space for myself means honoring both realities—respecting the finite resources I have today while nurturing the infinite possibilities within me. When I do that, I am not taking away from others; I am strengthening my ability to continue the journey with resilience, purpose, and hope.
“You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” — Maya Angelou
Sometimes, we can make the best progress by returning to what worked in the past. I’ve been facing my own challenges of caregiver burden recently and working very intentionally on managing my stress to better regulate my parasympathetic nervous system which has been working on overdrive lately. I’ve been returning to many practices I’ve used in the past to find the ones that work best and “stick”. A trusted friend and former colleague reminded me about the practice of “tapping” or Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT).
Tapping can strengthen our protective factors such as emotional awareness, coping skills, emotional self-regulation, and hope. Tapping has been found to reduce stress and regulate our nervous system, improve our self-compassion, reduce anxiety or racing thoughts, reduce burnout and ultimately lead to building our resiliency. It can also open the mind and body to new ways of looking at creativity.
When was the last time you tried something new? Were you scared? Were you excited? What pushed you to take that step forward? Taking that first step forward can be terrifying. We worry about what will happen if we mess up. We agonize over the impacts our actions can have on our loved ones. Sometimes it can feel safer staying to what we know rather than risking the chance of failing and having to face our guilt and shame.
A GROWTH MINDSET reminds us that learning is not finite. There are always ways for us to grow from our mistakes and find new ways forward. Just because we messed up today does not mean that we will fail forever. We are worthy of the same love and compassion we give to others.
3 TOOLS TO FOSTER A GROWTH MINDSET:
Believe inYourself - You can't start learning if you don't believe in your capability to change and grow. How do you talk to yourself in your mind? Trade demeaning self-talk for self-compassionate words.
Making Mistakes Is Part of the Process - It's hard to learn if you are not willing to make the mistakes that teach you how you can grow. Mistakes can be lessons, and they do not have to define you.
Be a Life-Long Learner - What piques your curiosity? Even everyday things like wondering how you can change your morning routine can lead to self-growth. Take the time to find what you are passionate about, and learn!
“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” — Confucius
When was the last time you started something, then someone needed something from you, and you didn’t get to finish that first “something”? This happens to me ALL the time. Honestly, part of it is that my home office doesn’t have a door. The other part is that I’m very distractible. My brain goes a million miles a minute, and I’m juggling a lot of balls.
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” ~ Brené Brown
If there’s anything I know about guilt and shame, it’s that they thrive in the darkness. Digging deep into those dark recesses is hard to do. But when you’re ready, you can bring these thoughts out into the sunshine where shame can’t live.
“Polarized thinking traps us in trade-offs, while both/and thinking helps us find more creative and sustainable ways forward.” ~ Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis, Both/And Thinking
Unpaid family caregiving rarely fits into simple either/or categories. But sometimes we can become stuck in polarized thinking — believing we must choose between caring for others or caring for ourselves, being hopeful or being realistic, feeling grateful or feeling overwhelmed — which can increase stress, guilt, and emotional exhaustion.
“Curiosity creates possibilities and possibilities create hope.” ~ Unknown
You know me to often write from my own lived experience in bringing a weekly topic to life, and that’s the case this week for the topic of staying curious. This is hard to share, but our 91-year-old mom has a new diagnosis of dementia. Looking back, it came on slowly, as these things often do, yet a recent infection aggravated it significantly. Adding this to my PhD in lived experience, I have a newfound appreciation for dementia caregivers.
"Common humanity focuses beyond our relationship with ourselves to our relationships with others and the world. It's about realizing how much we share as fellow humans. If we broaden our compassion for others, we can extend that compassion to include ourselves." - Jennifer Gerlach, LCSW
What do you believe you have in common with the person sitting closest to you? What about the people down the street? The people in the next city/town over? What about those on the other side of the globe? Today, it can feel so hard to find connection when it feels there is so much that divides us, from varying beliefs to differing values to conflicting understandings of the world.
Recognizing common humanity is not about smoothing over or ignoring these differences, but remembering that we all know what it feels like to be messy and unsure, to experience pain and loss. According to Dr. Kristin Neff, common humanity is a necessary part of self-compassion. We may not experience hardship the same way, but we all struggle. As Dr. Neff says, "Unlike self-pity, which says poor me, self-compassion says poor us." By recognizing the ways we can connect through our common humanity, we can build stronger and more meaningful relationships and be kinder to ourselves and others.
3 Tools to Help Appreciate Our Common Humanity
Remember that we are not alone. It can sometimes feel easier to see what divides us than what brings us together. However, common humanity is not the absence of difference. Common humanity simply means recognizing that, even with our differences, we are still human and have the capacity to connect with one another.
Practice self-compassion.As we emphasize here at Courage to Caregivers, we cannot be truly kind to others if we are not also taking care of ourselves. Remind yourself that you are doing the best that you can, and talk to yourself as you would a beloved friend.
Embrace connections. Focus on what connects us to other people rather than only what makes us different. By building connections based on our common humanity, we can support both ourselves and those around us.
“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” ~ Helen Keller
Did you know loneliness is considered a major public health concern? Former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy has described an “epidemic of loneliness,” noting that even in a world where we are more digitally connected than ever, many of us still lack meaningful connection. Research suggests that the health risks of chronic loneliness can be comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes per day, highlighting the essential role that connection plays in our emotional and physical well-being. For unpaid family caregivers, strengthening connection is a protective factor that supports resilience and helps prevent burnout.
“Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.” — Megan Devine
There are ALL kinds of grief and loss that caregivers face on a daily basis. I’m choosing to focus on the one that I battle with every day—ambiguous loss. Ambiguous loss is a form of grief that occurs when there is no clear closure or resolution, such as when a loved one is physically present but psychologically changed, or psychologically present but physically absent. It’s that feeling that the future you envisioned for yourself and your loved one, no matter the relationship, is different and may never unfold as planned.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer
Caregiving is deeply human work. Across cultures, generations, and life experiences, people step into roles of supporting loved ones through illness, disability, mental health challenges, aging, and times of uncertainty. While every caregiving journey is unique, one truth connects us all: We were never meant to do this alone.
When life seems to be breaking apart around us, being told to "be mindful" can feel insensitive at best and downright insulting at worst. Why should we center on ourselves when there is so much we have to do as caregivers? But mindfulness, can be instrumental in encouraging self-compassion, which in turn can inspire greater empathy.
Mindfulness is the "moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens" (Source). According to a recent study, mindfulness and self-compassion are positively linked with empathy. By bringing self-compassion into our lives, we can more readily extend empathy toward other people.
How will you embrace mindfulness and self-compassion in your daily life?
3 TOOLS FOR SELF-COMPASSIONATE MINDFULNESS
Self-compassion as a practice of good will - It's important to remember that self-compassion is about accepting our present moment and circumstances so we can open ourselves up to growth. While we may not be able to make the pain go away in the moment, we can prepare ourselves to take action.
It's okay for self-compassion to feel hard - It's normal to struggle to practice self-compassion and find yourself remembering old pains. When that happens, focus on your breath and bodily sensations. It's okay to learn self-compassion at your own pace. By doing so, you are already practicing self-compassion!
Try the self-compassion break - The self-compassion break is a mindfulness practice that can help in moments of stress. First, acknowledge that this a stressful moment. Next, remember that you are not alone in struggling. Finally, recognize a kind phrase toward yourself such as "may I be strong" or "may I be patient."
“Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.” ~ Victor Hugo
Happiness can feel elusive—or even out of reach—when life and caregiving feel heavy. So many of us have heard the saying, “You’re only as happy as your least happy child,” but I’ve never subscribed to that belief. If we hinge our emotional well-being entirely on someone else’s struggle, we lose our ability to care for ourselves, and we drain the very resilience we need to keep showing up.
