Focus on the “Best of” You
Focus on the “Best of” You

"Comparison is the thief of JOY." ~ Theodore Roosevelt

It’s not often that our topic for the week is all about an unhealthy thinking style. But the inclination to compare and despair is so common and seemingly natural for us that we need to recognize it for exactly what it is: a type of distorted thinking that can lead to depression, anxiety, shame, jealousy, self-criticism, low self-esteem, and lack of self-confidence. So it’s definitely something we need to address whenever we find ourselves falling into its trap.

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CollaborationKristi HornerCompare and Despair
How Do You Perceive Your Perceptions?
How Do You Perceive Your Perceptions?

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” – Henry David Thoreau

Let’s face it, the way we look at the world can often determine the way we form our opinions, our values, and even who we are. That’s why managing our perceptions is so crucial to self-growth. In many challenging situations, our perceptions are all we have to guide us.

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CollaborationKristi HornerManaging Perceptions
You Have the Right to Say “No”
You Have the Right to Say “No”

“Saying NO can be the ultimate self-care.” ~ Claudia Black

This week’s topic involves one of the most courageous actions you can take: saying no.

Caregivers often get pulled in many different directions, and we may discover that some things just aren’t “right” for us to take on at this point in our lives. In those cases, we need to learn to say no. Saying no helps us establish and enforce healthy boundaries on our time, energy, and space, to ensure that we can put our best selves forward for those who need us, and for ourselves. Failure to hold firm to these boundaries can leave us feeling overburdened and overcommitted.

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CollaborationKristi HornerLearn to Say NO
OCTOBER 2023 Newsletter: Cultivating COURAGE with Compassion
OCTOBER 2023 Newsletter: Cultivating COURAGE with Compassion

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes the courage is the quiet at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow.'" ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

You may have wondered why we chose COURAGE to be a part of our nonprofit's name. For me, courage is something that is essential in a caregiver’s tool box, and it often feels ‘depleted.’ Courage to Caregivers aims to support caregivers by empowering them to channel their ‘inner’ courage - whether it’s a little or a lot. And, yes, it doesn’t always roar!

Brené Brown says it best in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: "The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant ‘To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’

“Over time, this definition has changed, and today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic. Heroics is important and we certainly need heroes, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage. Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world that’s pretty extraordinary.”

We show ordinary courage in those micro-moments we demonstrate every day as caregivers. It may feel like micro-courage - yet, showing up every day and being vulnerable – that’s ordinary courage. It can be HARD - it definitely takes EXTRAordinary bravery and strength.

In The Courage Habit: How to Accept Your Fears, Release the Past, and Live Your Courageous Life, author Kate Swoboda shares four habits that supports us in cultivating courage - 1) accessing the body; 2) listening without attachment; 3) reframing limiting stories; and 4) reaching out and creating community.  At Courage to Caregivers we're all about creating courageous communities as we support caregivers in building their courage muscles. Courageous communities give us the support we need to face challenges ... together. Swoboda invites us to consider "where are the courage-based relationships in your life that will make up your courageous community?" Who embodies the courage qualities of vulnerability, optimism, empathy, compassion, and kindness? Find someone to practice courageous connection or join one of our group coaching sessions where you'll get lots of practice. Practice leads to creating sustainable habits that, over time, will transform your life! 

Check out our entire October newsletter focused on COURAGE here.

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CourageKristi HornerCourage, Learning From Mistakes, Learn From Mistakes, Strength Amidst Adversity, Progress Over Perfection
Push for Progress, Not Perfection
Push for Progress, Not Perfection

I’m a perfectly imperfect perpetual work in progress. ~ Me

Maybe it’s because I’m a lifelong learner… maybe it’s because I’m curious … maybe it’s because I embrace a growth mindset … I look at every interaction with another person as an opportunity for growth. Nothing ventured - nothing gained.

However, although I don’t consider myself a “perfectionist,” I do like things a certain way. 

This week’s topic of progress over perfection encapsulates all of this month's topics - finding strength amidst adversity and learning from mistakes.

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CourageKristi HornerProgress Over Perfection
Your Strength Is Inspiring, but It Doesn’t Define You
Your Strength Is Inspiring, but It Doesn’t Define You

It happens to all of us at one time or another. We feel overwhelmed by life’s constant struggles and barriers that we want to say “enough.” Even though people might say they admire how strong we are, we sometimes get tired of having to be so strong all the time. This is hard for us, and we’re no superhero … we’re just doing the best we can. 

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Kristi Horner
Own Your Mistakes, but Don’t Let Them Own You
Own Your Mistakes, but Don’t Let Them Own You

“Your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you.” – Elisha Goldstein

Making mistakes is a part of life. But the way we respond and manage our behaviors and emotions when we make mistakes is the focus of our topic this week. By learning from mistakes, we can follow the advice of Elisha Goldstein in the quote above, to let our mistakes guide us rather than define us.

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CourageKristi HornerLearning From Mistakes, Learn From Mistakes
SEPTEMBER 2023 Newsletter: Tools to Cultivate Tenacity
SEPTEMBER 2023 Newsletter: Tools to Cultivate Tenacity

Tenacity is your ability to stick with it when things get hard. Caregivers are no strangers to HARD things. The challenges come at us daily. Sometimes they knock us down - and sometimes we're ready.

Having tenacity doesn't mean that we'll never FALL. AND, it's not about how long we're DOWN when we do. Tenacity is all about the getting UP. Getting up requires STRENGTH of all kinds - physical, mental and emotional. When we fall down - and we all know we will fall again - we need to start by pausing. Notice. Take the time and space you need to rest and recover. You'll need your strength to both get up and be ready for the next time. It can be cold and lonely when we fall - yet, Courage to Caregivers is here to support you as you STRENGTHEN your tenacity muscles. 

When our kids were little (they're not so little any more at 28-30-32), I took part in a book group at school where we read "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Timeless Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children" by Wendy Mogel. As we dug into TENACITY this month (a concept I also learned when my kids were in elementary school) - the teaching from "Blessing of a Skinned Knee" on coping with frustration was likely the most relevant. "Treating children's daily distresses as an expected and unalarming part of life is an effective way to discourage them from turning small difficulties into big dramas. We can help children become calmer and more resilient by staying calm ourselves." ~ Wendy Mogel, "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee." 

It takes a great deal of tenacity to navigate life's challenges AND as caregivers, supporting our loved ones in cultivating their tenacity, too. 💙

Check out entire September newsletter focused on Tenacity here.

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TenacityKristi HornerRealistic Optimism, Tenacity, Coping mechanisms, Persistence
We Can’t Eliminate Stress, So Let’s Make the Most of It!
We Can’t Eliminate Stress, So Let’s Make the Most of It!

“When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage.”

~ Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress

Most of us want to reduce or eliminate stress from our lives. But at Courage to Caregivers, we discovered early on that no matter how much we would like to, we can’t take away the stress of caregiving. But we CAN empower caregivers with coping mechanisms to better manage that stress.

Coping mechanisms are strategies that we consciously use to help manage uncomfortable or painful feelings. They help us remain emotionally stable when facing a crisis. 

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Tenacity, AttitudeKristi HornerCoping mechanisms, Coping
Half of the Glass Is Empty, and Half of It Is Full
Half of the Glass Is Empty, and Half of It Is Full

"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."

~ William A. Ward

Do you think of yourself as an optimist or a pessimist, or something in between? This week’s topic is all about that space in between – a concept called realistic optimism – which we believe is a more positive and productive space to be in, rather than pure optimism or pure pessimism.

While optimism is an attitude that focuses solely on hope and confidence that everything will turn out for the best, and pessimism focuses on just the things that could go wrong, a realistic optimist is someone who recognizes the negative aspects of life but who also does not become consumed by that negativity. An attitude of realistic optimism allows for a growth mindset, and problems become challenges to overcome, not roadblocks.

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TenacityKristi HornerRealistic Optimism, Optimism
Passion, Persistence, and Grit
Passion, Persistence, and Grit

“Grit is a combination of passion and perseverance for a long-term goal.”

~ Angela Duckworth, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

Of all the characteristics associated with caregiving, persistence might be the most common. The tasks and responsibilities of caregiving often require the utmost persistence. For caregivers, there may be times when our loved ones don’t seem to be making progress, and it’s tempting to give up. It’s our persistence – our motivation to keep going forward – that leads to hope.

But persistence doesn’t come easily. It takes practice … slow and steady … one micro-step and one micro-goal at a time. And sometimes, we need a little push. Caregiving feels hard enough most days, and stepping outside our comfort zone can feel scary. 

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AttitudeKristi HornerPersistence, Tenacity
AUGUST 2023 Newsletter: Self-Advocacy for Caregivers
AUGUST 2023 Newsletter: Self-Advocacy for Caregivers

Caregivers play many important roles in their journey of providing care to someone they love - one is that of ADVOCATE. Caregivers advocate on behalf of their loved ones all the time to assure they receive the necessary medical care and support, and that their needs are heard.

As caregivers we're good at caring for and advocating for our loved ones' care and concerns. What about us? Who's advocating for the caregiver? It turns out not only is Courage to Caregivers advocating for family caregivers - many other agencies are as well (check out the second section of resources below). 

It's also important as caregivers to advocate for ourselves - self-advocacy. What do you NEED? What are YOUR goals, values, interests and desires? Your loved one, as the patient, has rights (and responsibilities) ... and you do, too! 

We see self-advocacy as self-care. Self-advocacy is three-tiered - knowing yourself, knowing what your needs are, and knowing how to get your needs met. 

The Self Advocate Net has a great definition of self-advocacy: "Self-advocacy is the ability to speak up for yourself and the things that are important to you. Self-advocacy means you are able to ask for what you need and want and tell people about your thoughts and feelings. The goal of self-advocacy is for you to decide what you want then develop and carry out a plan to help you get it." 

5 TOOLS TO ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF:

  1. NOTICE: What do you NEED? What are your goals, values, interests, and desires? As you focus on building self-awareness, use self-reflection. Remember KNOWLEDGE is power.   

  2. SELF-EMPOWERMENT: Self-empowerment allows you to see more in yourself.  Self-empowerment starts with BELIEVING in yourself. Notice your SELF-TALK: Stop and reframe. SELF-RESPECT: How can you empower YOURSELF? SELF-WORTH: You are worthy of love, kindness and respect. PERSEVERANCE: Don't give up when things get tough!

  3. YOU'RE NEVER ALONE: Having a SUPPORT NETWORK to support you in your self-advocacy journey is essential. Find someone to fit each of your needs - mental, emotional, social, physical, resources, financial or even validation. Who's cheering you on, and believes in you? Join a support group - our group coaching is a great form of support network!

  4. SELF-REGULATION: Regulating with the 7 Cs:

    • I didn’t cause it: Accepting you didn't cause your loved one's illness releases feelings of guilt and shame.

    • I can’t cure it: Care - support - love.

    • I can’t control it: You can't force someone else's recovery. You can support and encourage.

    • I can’t change it: Acceptance. My loved one is living with mental illness. Therefore, I am a mental illness caregiver. 

    • YET, I can have courage, compassion and I can COPE.

  5. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION: Caregivers exist in community, whether it is you and your loved one or you and a large family or other system. Learning to be assertive as you communicate will help you in the long run to solve problems, advocate for yourself and help maintain relationships and healthy boundaries. USE "I" LANGUAGE to express your feelings and take responsibility for them.

If it's been awhile since you’ve considered your own needs as a caregiver, find even a micro-moment today to start prioritizing them.

Check out entire August newsletter focused on Advocacy here.

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AdvocacyKristi HornerCommunication, Effective Communication, Caregiving Advocacy, Support Network, Creating Your Support Network, Managing Stress, Stress, Understanding Stress
Communication, Community, and YOU
Communication, Community, and YOU

As caregivers, we live in a variety of communities. A community can exist that’s just us and our loved one, or us with our immediate family, or with our extended family and friends. Then there’s the community that makes up our support system, the community that consists of all caregivers, and the local community we live in. Each type of community is strengthened when effective communication is practiced.

Unfortunately, our thoughts and feelings may get in the way of effective communication – we may be concerned about how others perceive us, how our message is being received, or that we’re being judged. I know … this is hard.

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AdvocacyKristi HornerCommunication, Effective Communication
You Have the Power to Cope
You Have the Power to Cope

At Courage to Caregivers, we recognized early on that we can’t REMOVE the stress of caregiving - no matter how much we WISH we could. YET, we CAN empower caregivers to better cope and manage the stress of caregiving. That's because, for caregivers, much is out of our control, but COPING with that stress IS 100% within our control. 

Good news - Dr. Elissa Epel has published a new book - "The Stress Prescription." Dr. Epel is the source of an eye-opening statistic that we cite very often: stress has been found to take 10 years off of a caregiver’s life. The book was so transformative that I was inspired to create a 7 Day Stress Management Challenge - available in its entirety on our social media channels.  

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Kristi Horner
Learning How to Ask
Learning How to Ask

For five years, we’ve been sharing tools, tips, and tricks about the importance of having a support network. This week, I’m focusing on how difficult it is to ASK FOR HELP.

As caregivers, we’d much rather give help than ask for help. There are a lot of reasons why it’s hard for caregivers to ask for help:

  1. Fear ... They may say “NO!”

  2. Burden … I’ll appear needy.

  3. Weakness … The other person will have “power.”

  4. Incompetence … I’m supposed to have it “all” together. I like being self-reliant.

  5. Vulnerability … Asking for help exposes my true feelings and emotions.

For many years, I didn’t want to ask for help. I’d been trained, seemingly since birth, to be independent and take care of myself. It was HARD to ask for help, and I didn’t like it.

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AdvocacyKristi HornerCreating Your Support Network, Support Network
Advocacy Shines Light in the Darkness
Advocacy Shines Light in the Darkness

“All advocacy is, at its core, an exercise in empathy.” – Samantha Power

The Missouri Foundation for Health defines advocacy as “any action that speaks in favor of, recommends, argues for a cause, supports or defends, or pleads on behalf of others.” Caregivers are great at advocating for their loved ones, bringing light to their issues, concerns, challenges, and roadblocks.

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AdvocacyKristi HornerAdvocacy, Caregiving Advocacy
JULY 2023 Newsletter: Wellness is Possible With Practice
JULY 2023 Newsletter: Wellness is Possible With Practice

"Wellness is about how we live our lives and the joy and fulfillment and health we experience." ~ SAMHSA, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, "Creating a Healthier Life - A Step-by-Step Guide to Wellness."

With our focus on creating sustainable PRACTICES, we can look at WELLNESS as a state of BEING. By creating healthy habits, we set ourselves up for sustainable wellness.  

“Health is a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease.” ~ World Health Organization

5 TOOLS TO IMPROVE YOUR WELLNESS: 

Inspired by 9 Tested Tips to Improve Your Wellbeing and Quality of Life by John Adams, The Wellbeing Project

  1. FOCUS ON THE FAB 3: Sleep - nutrition - movement. Get enough sleep (6-8 hours is recommended). Eat healthy, balanced meals & stay hydrated. Move your body ... more!

  2. MANAGE YOUR STRESS: Learning how to cope and manage stressors is essential. NOTICE what causes you stress; where do you hold stress? ... BREATHE ... How do you cope and manage stressful situations?

  3. STAY CONNECTED: Social isolation has been found to be as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day! Find ways to connect daily with others: family - friends - neighbors - colleagues - support groups! Start a conversation in the checkout line at the grocery. Smile at a stranger. A short call - FaceTime - Zoom - all provide human connection.

  4. BE PRESENT: BREATHE. You're doing the best you can with what you have in this moment. Remember, caregiving is a JOURNEY. Do your best to be fully present in your wellness journey, too. Where do you want to start? Set micro-goals that are SMART. Find an accountability partner. Then, don't forget to celebrate your successes as you progress!

  5. AVOID THE BAD: Focus on all the GOOD you are doing for you, and work to avoid or limit the BAD for you: alcohol - smoking - drugs - sugar - caffeine.

At Courage to Caregivers we know that healthier, stronger caregivers provide healthier, stronger care to their loved ones, and in turn create healthier, stronger families. 

Check out our entire July newsletter focused on Wellness here.

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WellnessKristi HornerMovement, Move Your Body, Self-Discipline, Sleep Hygiene, Sleep
Your Goals ARE Within Reach
Your Goals ARE Within Reach

When we figure out our “why” and “what,” the sky’s the limit in setting our goals for self-growth. But setting goals is just the first step. Now we have to find a way to achieve those goals. That’s where self-discipline and motivation come in.

Most of us want to become better versions of ourselves, but it’s not easy. It takes hard work, dedication, and usually some risk. Our motivation to meet our goals depends on our willingness to take action that moves us further on our growth journey. And when this means we have to do something we wouldn’t otherwise want to do, we need self-discipline to keep us on track.

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WellnessKristi HornerMotivation, Self-Discipline
Join the Movement!
Join the Movement!

"Change happens through movement and movement heals." ~ Joseph Pilates

Our topic this week is also a challenge: Move with Courage! Research continues to show that daily movement can benefit your mental AND your physical health. Anything from light stretching to moderate exercise to vigorous activity can do the trick. The key is to find activities you enjoy and to do them with people you like (or alone if you prefer).   

I’m proof that movement heals. For much of my life, I went to the gym and attended aerobics classes regularly. But then, the unthinkable happened. I started feeling chronic pain and fatigue, and doctors and specialists could not figure out the cause. Determined to find something that didn’t cause more pain, I discovered Pilates. The gentle gliding (and compassion of my instructors) transformed me. The movement helped my body – and my attitude. I started feeling healthier, brighter, and stronger.

That’s why this week, and throughout the entire month of July, we’re challenging YOU to move any way you want – walk, run, bike, hike, swim, paddle, dance, wheel, garden, do Pilates, practice yoga, meditate – with our MOVE WITH COURAGE Micro-Challenge Calendar.

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Wellness, Your Body is a TempleKristi HornerMovement, Move Your Body
Things Look Better After a Good Night’s Sleep
Things Look Better After a Good Night’s Sleep

This month, we’ll be talking about topics related to wellness, and getting enough sleep is one of the best practices we can follow to improve our self-health.

But I get it. When there never seems to be enough time in the day to take care of all our responsibilities and take some time for ourselves, we may find it hard to get enough quality sleep time. That’s when practicing good sleep hygiene can help. Sleep hygiene is a series of steps you can take to ensure that your body and brain have time to rest and recharge.

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WellnessKristi HornerSleep Hygiene, Sleep