It happens to all of us at one time or another. We feel overwhelmed by life’s constant struggles and barriers that we want to say “enough.” Even though people might say they admire how strong we are, we sometimes get tired of having to be so strong all the time. This is hard for us, and we’re no superhero … we’re just doing the best we can.
Read More“Your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you.” – Elisha Goldstein
Making mistakes is a part of life. But the way we respond and manage our behaviors and emotions when we make mistakes is the focus of our topic this week. By learning from mistakes, we can follow the advice of Elisha Goldstein in the quote above, to let our mistakes guide us rather than define us.
Read MoreTenacity is your ability to stick with it when things get hard. Caregivers are no strangers to HARD things. The challenges come at us daily. Sometimes they knock us down - and sometimes we're ready.
Having tenacity doesn't mean that we'll never FALL. AND, it's not about how long we're DOWN when we do. Tenacity is all about the getting UP. Getting up requires STRENGTH of all kinds - physical, mental and emotional. When we fall down - and we all know we will fall again - we need to start by pausing. Notice. Take the time and space you need to rest and recover. You'll need your strength to both get up and be ready for the next time. It can be cold and lonely when we fall - yet, Courage to Caregivers is here to support you as you STRENGTHEN your tenacity muscles.
When our kids were little (they're not so little any more at 28-30-32), I took part in a book group at school where we read "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Timeless Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children" by Wendy Mogel. As we dug into TENACITY this month (a concept I also learned when my kids were in elementary school) - the teaching from "Blessing of a Skinned Knee" on coping with frustration was likely the most relevant. "Treating children's daily distresses as an expected and unalarming part of life is an effective way to discourage them from turning small difficulties into big dramas. We can help children become calmer and more resilient by staying calm ourselves." ~ Wendy Mogel, "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee."
It takes a great deal of tenacity to navigate life's challenges AND as caregivers, supporting our loved ones in cultivating their tenacity, too. 💙
Check out entire September newsletter focused on Tenacity here.
Read More“When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage.”
~ Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress
Most of us want to reduce or eliminate stress from our lives. But at Courage to Caregivers, we discovered early on that no matter how much we would like to, we can’t take away the stress of caregiving. But we CAN empower caregivers with coping mechanisms to better manage that stress.
Coping mechanisms are strategies that we consciously use to help manage uncomfortable or painful feelings. They help us remain emotionally stable when facing a crisis.
Read More"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
~ William A. Ward
Do you think of yourself as an optimist or a pessimist, or something in between? This week’s topic is all about that space in between – a concept called realistic optimism – which we believe is a more positive and productive space to be in, rather than pure optimism or pure pessimism.
While optimism is an attitude that focuses solely on hope and confidence that everything will turn out for the best, and pessimism focuses on just the things that could go wrong, a realistic optimist is someone who recognizes the negative aspects of life but who also does not become consumed by that negativity. An attitude of realistic optimism allows for a growth mindset, and problems become challenges to overcome, not roadblocks.
Read More“Grit is a combination of passion and perseverance for a long-term goal.”
~ Angela Duckworth, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance
Of all the characteristics associated with caregiving, persistence might be the most common. The tasks and responsibilities of caregiving often require the utmost persistence. For caregivers, there may be times when our loved ones don’t seem to be making progress, and it’s tempting to give up. It’s our persistence – our motivation to keep going forward – that leads to hope.
But persistence doesn’t come easily. It takes practice … slow and steady … one micro-step and one micro-goal at a time. And sometimes, we need a little push. Caregiving feels hard enough most days, and stepping outside our comfort zone can feel scary.
Read MoreCaregivers play many important roles in their journey of providing care to someone they love - one is that of ADVOCATE. Caregivers advocate on behalf of their loved ones all the time to assure they receive the necessary medical care and support, and that their needs are heard.
As caregivers we're good at caring for and advocating for our loved ones' care and concerns. What about us? Who's advocating for the caregiver? It turns out not only is Courage to Caregivers advocating for family caregivers - many other agencies are as well (check out the second section of resources below).
It's also important as caregivers to advocate for ourselves - self-advocacy. What do you NEED? What are YOUR goals, values, interests and desires? Your loved one, as the patient, has rights (and responsibilities) ... and you do, too!
We see self-advocacy as self-care. Self-advocacy is three-tiered - knowing yourself, knowing what your needs are, and knowing how to get your needs met.
The Self Advocate Net has a great definition of self-advocacy: "Self-advocacy is the ability to speak up for yourself and the things that are important to you. Self-advocacy means you are able to ask for what you need and want and tell people about your thoughts and feelings. The goal of self-advocacy is for you to decide what you want then develop and carry out a plan to help you get it."
5 TOOLS TO ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF:
NOTICE: What do you NEED? What are your goals, values, interests, and desires? As you focus on building self-awareness, use self-reflection. Remember KNOWLEDGE is power.
SELF-EMPOWERMENT: Self-empowerment allows you to see more in yourself. Self-empowerment starts with BELIEVING in yourself. Notice your SELF-TALK: Stop and reframe. SELF-RESPECT: How can you empower YOURSELF? SELF-WORTH: You are worthy of love, kindness and respect. PERSEVERANCE: Don't give up when things get tough!
YOU'RE NEVER ALONE: Having a SUPPORT NETWORK to support you in your self-advocacy journey is essential. Find someone to fit each of your needs - mental, emotional, social, physical, resources, financial or even validation. Who's cheering you on, and believes in you? Join a support group - our group coaching is a great form of support network!
SELF-REGULATION: Regulating with the 7 Cs:
I didn’t cause it: Accepting you didn't cause your loved one's illness releases feelings of guilt and shame.
I can’t cure it: Care - support - love.
I can’t control it: You can't force someone else's recovery. You can support and encourage.
I can’t change it: Acceptance. My loved one is living with mental illness. Therefore, I am a mental illness caregiver.
YET, I can have courage, compassion and I can COPE.
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION: Caregivers exist in community, whether it is you and your loved one or you and a large family or other system. Learning to be assertive as you communicate will help you in the long run to solve problems, advocate for yourself and help maintain relationships and healthy boundaries. USE "I" LANGUAGE to express your feelings and take responsibility for them.
If it's been awhile since you’ve considered your own needs as a caregiver, find even a micro-moment today to start prioritizing them.
Check out entire August newsletter focused on Advocacy here.
Read MoreAs caregivers, we live in a variety of communities. A community can exist that’s just us and our loved one, or us with our immediate family, or with our extended family and friends. Then there’s the community that makes up our support system, the community that consists of all caregivers, and the local community we live in. Each type of community is strengthened when effective communication is practiced.
Unfortunately, our thoughts and feelings may get in the way of effective communication – we may be concerned about how others perceive us, how our message is being received, or that we’re being judged. I know … this is hard.
Read MoreAt Courage to Caregivers, we recognized early on that we can’t REMOVE the stress of caregiving - no matter how much we WISH we could. YET, we CAN empower caregivers to better cope and manage the stress of caregiving. That's because, for caregivers, much is out of our control, but COPING with that stress IS 100% within our control.
Good news - Dr. Elissa Epel has published a new book - "The Stress Prescription." Dr. Epel is the source of an eye-opening statistic that we cite very often: stress has been found to take 10 years off of a caregiver’s life. The book was so transformative that I was inspired to create a 7 Day Stress Management Challenge - available in its entirety on our social media channels.
Read MoreFor five years, we’ve been sharing tools, tips, and tricks about the importance of having a support network. This week, I’m focusing on how difficult it is to ASK FOR HELP.
As caregivers, we’d much rather give help than ask for help. There are a lot of reasons why it’s hard for caregivers to ask for help:
Fear ... They may say “NO!”
Burden … I’ll appear needy.
Weakness … The other person will have “power.”
Incompetence … I’m supposed to have it “all” together. I like being self-reliant.
Vulnerability … Asking for help exposes my true feelings and emotions.
For many years, I didn’t want to ask for help. I’d been trained, seemingly since birth, to be independent and take care of myself. It was HARD to ask for help, and I didn’t like it.
Read More“All advocacy is, at its core, an exercise in empathy.” – Samantha Power
The Missouri Foundation for Health defines advocacy as “any action that speaks in favor of, recommends, argues for a cause, supports or defends, or pleads on behalf of others.” Caregivers are great at advocating for their loved ones, bringing light to their issues, concerns, challenges, and roadblocks.
Read More"Wellness is about how we live our lives and the joy and fulfillment and health we experience." ~ SAMHSA, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, "Creating a Healthier Life - A Step-by-Step Guide to Wellness."
With our focus on creating sustainable PRACTICES, we can look at WELLNESS as a state of BEING. By creating healthy habits, we set ourselves up for sustainable wellness.
“Health is a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease.” ~ World Health Organization
5 TOOLS TO IMPROVE YOUR WELLNESS:
Inspired by 9 Tested Tips to Improve Your Wellbeing and Quality of Life by John Adams, The Wellbeing Project
FOCUS ON THE FAB 3: Sleep - nutrition - movement. Get enough sleep (6-8 hours is recommended). Eat healthy, balanced meals & stay hydrated. Move your body ... more!
MANAGE YOUR STRESS: Learning how to cope and manage stressors is essential. NOTICE what causes you stress; where do you hold stress? ... BREATHE ... How do you cope and manage stressful situations?
STAY CONNECTED: Social isolation has been found to be as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day! Find ways to connect daily with others: family - friends - neighbors - colleagues - support groups! Start a conversation in the checkout line at the grocery. Smile at a stranger. A short call - FaceTime - Zoom - all provide human connection.
BE PRESENT: BREATHE. You're doing the best you can with what you have in this moment. Remember, caregiving is a JOURNEY. Do your best to be fully present in your wellness journey, too. Where do you want to start? Set micro-goals that are SMART. Find an accountability partner. Then, don't forget to celebrate your successes as you progress!
AVOID THE BAD: Focus on all the GOOD you are doing for you, and work to avoid or limit the BAD for you: alcohol - smoking - drugs - sugar - caffeine.
At Courage to Caregivers we know that healthier, stronger caregivers provide healthier, stronger care to their loved ones, and in turn create healthier, stronger families.
Check out our entire July newsletter focused on Wellness here.
Read MoreWhen we figure out our “why” and “what,” the sky’s the limit in setting our goals for self-growth. But setting goals is just the first step. Now we have to find a way to achieve those goals. That’s where self-discipline and motivation come in.
Most of us want to become better versions of ourselves, but it’s not easy. It takes hard work, dedication, and usually some risk. Our motivation to meet our goals depends on our willingness to take action that moves us further on our growth journey. And when this means we have to do something we wouldn’t otherwise want to do, we need self-discipline to keep us on track.
Read More"Change happens through movement and movement heals." ~ Joseph Pilates
Our topic this week is also a challenge: Move with Courage! Research continues to show that daily movement can benefit your mental AND your physical health. Anything from light stretching to moderate exercise to vigorous activity can do the trick. The key is to find activities you enjoy and to do them with people you like (or alone if you prefer).
I’m proof that movement heals. For much of my life, I went to the gym and attended aerobics classes regularly. But then, the unthinkable happened. I started feeling chronic pain and fatigue, and doctors and specialists could not figure out the cause. Determined to find something that didn’t cause more pain, I discovered Pilates. The gentle gliding (and compassion of my instructors) transformed me. The movement helped my body – and my attitude. I started feeling healthier, brighter, and stronger.
That’s why this week, and throughout the entire month of July, we’re challenging YOU to move any way you want – walk, run, bike, hike, swim, paddle, dance, wheel, garden, do Pilates, practice yoga, meditate – with our MOVE WITH COURAGE Micro-Challenge Calendar.
Read MoreThis month, we’ll be talking about topics related to wellness, and getting enough sleep is one of the best practices we can follow to improve our self-health.
But I get it. When there never seems to be enough time in the day to take care of all our responsibilities and take some time for ourselves, we may find it hard to get enough quality sleep time. That’s when practicing good sleep hygiene can help. Sleep hygiene is a series of steps you can take to ensure that your body and brain have time to rest and recharge.
Read MoreWe LOVE talking about EMPOWERMENT! Empowerment is a "form of strength that stems from the self and community." It's also a process of BECOMING. Becoming stronger and more confident. As caregivers, empowerment is important for taking care of ourselves - self-empowerment - and providing care to others.
Empowerment might just be the BEST part of our "job." As we work to empower caregivers of ALL kinds - we're working to support them in becoming the best version of themselves! WHO do YOU want to BE or become?
Empowerment has kind of a RIPPLE EFFECT ... as caregivers become more empowered - they set an example for those in their care - they are role models for their loved ones to be more empowered, too!
As we work to prevent caregiver burnout - we love to empower caregivers to be their best selves.
5 TOOLS TO MANIFESTING EMPOWERMENT
MINDSET: What you THINK you BECOME! Notice - what is your current mindset? How do you feel about it? Do you want to make a change? You can SHIFT your mindset - make a list of your core values - how you want to BE and become - and set a goal (or two) towards pursuing those!
AFFIRMATIONS: Use affirmations to inspire you or reframe your thoughts. Affirmations are a great way to focus on positive self-talk and manifest the YOU that you want to BECOME.
JOURNAL: Journaling allows you to remember the good, bad and ugly from your day - a reminder of how you are BECOMING. It helps you to visualize where you've been and where you want to GO.
MEDITATION: “Meditation is an excellent way to start manifesting a better version of yourself. It’s about silencing and clearing the mind of all negative, unnecessary, and disturbing thoughts and ideas from the mind. With meditation, you can develop self-awareness, stress management skills and learn positive thinking techniques.” ~ Seriah Sargenton, Riyah Speaks
COMMUNITY: Find a community that cares - that lifts you up when you can't stand - that believes in you, and your potential, when you're feeling low. Surround yourself with like-minded, motivated people who empower you to be the best version of yourself.
Check out our entire June newsletter focused on Empowerment here.
Read More“The root of self-care is setting boundaries: it's saying no to something in order to say yes to your own emotional, physical, and mental well-being.”
~ Nedra Glover Tawwab, "Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself"
Some concepts are so essential to self-care that they keep coming up in our conversations, and this week’s topic is one of them. Ever since we started Courage to Caregivers, we’ve been talking about the importance of setting healthy boundaries. But let’s face it, we can all use a refresher now and then on how to both SET and MAINTAIN healthy boundaries.
Read MoreOur topic this week puts an even newer spin on a relatively new concept – holding space. Caregivers are typically very good at holding space for others, which means being physically, mentally, and emotionally present for someone who needs us. What we want to talk about is holding space for yourself.
When we hold space for others, we allow them to feel their feelings. We commit ourselves to supporting them when they need our help. We give them our full attention, and we listen in a non-judgmental way.
Creative expression is a great way to process emotions, vent energy, and have fun! It can increase your happiness, stimulate positive emotions, improve mental health, sharpen brain functions, reduce stress, and even make your immune system function better.
Read MoreBack in January, we set an intention for our year. As we near the midpoint of 2023, we invite you to look back with reflection at that intention without judgment or shame. How’s it going? What have you learned? What’s working? What’s not working? Good news: You still have more than six months to work on that intention.
We are all about empowerment, which just happens to be our theme this month! Why? Because that is the key to making our solution to caregiver burden sustainable. It’s what makes preventing caregiver burden possible. It starts with an intention – your intention – that something needs to change. That the way you’ve been selflessly caring for someone else has taken a toll on your life and you want to make a change. We know we can’t change our loved ones living with mental, chronic, or serious illness, YET, we can find courage and compassion, and we CAN cope. You can find portable, sustainable tools for coping and managing stress that build and form lifelong habits. With practice, you can build a PRACTICE.
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